Friday, 27 July 2012


I have just been reading the blogs that I follow., and one of them is a design guru. The thing is, she said that if something in the design looks a little off, and no matter how much you tweak it, reamians not quite right, then ELIMINATE- she said the word had to be in capitals, to remember and act by!!

Well, this is a very strong word, could be used in all sorts of conditions and areas.. for me it would apply to the scores of objects and material that I have collected over the years and which are waiting for me to have a 'light bulb' moment and be creative with!!
  I did choose my word DISCIPLINE as the one word I would live by this year, but so far it has eluded me in being able to follow!!! It keeps playing hide and seek with my mind, and I am not yet as clutter free as I would want, not followed a diet that had succeeded in dropping a few pounds from  my body.!!!...

Now I have found this really truthfully hard and wicked word... eliminate... eliminate all that is not right in your world, in your relationships, in your ways of seeing the world.. How to go about this?...

One word and so much power!!

where does one begin.?.. In my room as I sit typing this, I can see clothes scattered waiting to be folded and put away, paper work all over my desk awaiting the same routine of tidying and getting rid of... but here I am typing about it, and not actually doing anything realistically that would allow me to eliminate them!!

This has to stop... so in the next week I am going to eliminate everything that I have not worn for over a year, or books that have been read and stored any old way, cutting out things in my diet that I have allowed myself to become over fond of, and will see where it all leads...

 Meanwhile, another train of thought......

I hate that the weeks are flying by,... I read the other blogs where they are actually having the springs and summer times, that allow your internal battery to recharge... whilst here we have had the odd day of sunshine and heat, but its been sporadic and not really consistent... this last week has been hot, but now we are told rain is on the way for next week, and to prepare for another wet soddy rainfilled month.... what a place to live eh!!

Today is the start of the Olympics being held in London... I do hope it all goes well and that no aggrieved people  will turn it into something more sinister- with so many people gathered in one place I am sure that security is working overtime... and I really hope that these games will go towards this country being able to eliminate bad feelings and bring peace to all nations, if just for a short while whilst the games are going on..

Monday, 23 July 2012

Are we to blame for the tragedy in Aurora?

All over the world, we have set aside a moment to think on that terrible deed the young man has carried out in Aurora, a small town in the United States of America. Killing indiscriminately, people that he didn't know, spraying the cinema with real bullets and letting of gas cans, a deed carried out by a mad man? Or a young man who has got so used to video games, where these scenarios are played out daily in ordinary homes, where violence in films and stories have become so comman place that no one thinks of the impact on human lives anymore.?? If you were to watch again even the earliest TV films of Batman, you would see the Joker or any other villain in the story, spraying bullets and letting off gases like he did... but it was all make believe you say,... yes of course it was, but somehow this person [and could be others] have got reality and playacting all mixed up.!!!.

We just thank god that it was not one of ours that got hurt or killed, but aren't we really much more involved than that? The more we let the people who invent these sick and violent games and films get away with making and selling them , we are complicit in allowing it and allowing the impact on young and immature minds.

Once upon a time we did have morals, strong and certain society rules and censorship.. yes, censorship was misused of course at times, which is why the western world has worked hard to put it to one side in the name of Democracy, the freedom to choose and be able to say, do or apply whatever we wish to do.

In a perfect world, we could all self censor, then our actions would be decided by ourselves, but we do not live in a perfect plastic world, where everything is equal and all are fed and watered and clothed. 

We now live in a world that is rapidly spiralling out of control, leaving terrible consequences like the killings the  other night at the cinema.

One of the latest books making a sensational debut is all about sado- masochistic sexual behaviour that titillates the reader, in fact to so much affect, that the sales of items mentioned in the scenes in the books have had stocks cleared as a result! Don't you find this a little sad that such hurtful and unusual ways to find sexual satisfaction in a partnership has to result in pain in order to be exciting.?. I do..
 I also wonder when this terrible roller coaster of violence and depravity is going to slow down, because at the moment it seems to me to be escalating at a faster and faster pace..

The young man at the centre of the terrible events last Friday was in court today. His hair still dyed Red as he emulated the Joker from the Batman story. Sitting in court, listening to charges, he seemed unaware of the enormity of his actions.

When you sit and play at the computer, games where you are killed, or kill other people, day in and day out.. why would you stop to think that if you copied these actions outside your home, it would cease to be fun and make believe.?

After you become so used to these dramas online, your perception of good and evil is altered and skewed. 

From all accounts this young man was clever, good looking, a good boy at home and a good scholar.. no reason why he should have become this disconnected from reality at all...BUT he did!!  if a clever and intelligent person can be swayed by such games and films, what is going to be the impact or lesser intelligent people?

For this generation in particular, they are used to spending time on their computers and other gadgets playing games for many hours at a time.. and as I said above, where do the lines between reality and playing games merge?

I think that we are all to blame for being lax in watching what is going on.   What laws are relaxed, what other society rules are being torn down and left behind.?..

 All the rules were established for a reason, all the old ways, whilst some could be improved, they were there  for a reason.

As society managed to get along reasonably well in adhering to most of them, I think it is time to re evaluate this situation and decide what kind of society we wish for our kids and our grandchildren to inherit.

How we can make it all possible and safe for them to go about their business without the terror of episodes like last Friday  that happened on a hot summer's evening in a little town in America.?

Monday, 16 July 2012

Life is a U turn..

Hmmm, well that's what I said when I was just going to be 21, and we were sitting around chatting as you do, on the back metal stairways of the flat in London's portobello district. Someone else had quoted ' Zoom constructively... which we all thought pretty cool to say. He was called Ryan and hailed from South Africa he said.. not wishing to be bested, we all tried to say something meaningful, and I came up with 'Life is a U turn' and felt very pleased that at least it was equal to his comment. #

Of course at the time I didn't really delve deeper into what it actually meant. We used to sit on the back stairs fire escape,, overlooking the stables where the market traders would store their big push along trolleys that held their wares in the market.  Each evening at a certain time you would hear the horses clip clopping and see them being pulled into the yard ready to put away for the night.. It was about the same time that the song by Ray Davies called 'Waterloo Sunset 'was out. I used to sit out there and we would be hearing the song from the radio inside the flat, and it all meant a good feeling.. being young, being free and just being in the moment.

That was the Summer of Love- as they afterwards called it..

I worked in London, but lived outside in the suburbs, but then there was a train strike, and  I took advantage of that.. I left home to move into the shared flat of my boyfriend. I had long hair, parted in the middle, wore a bell around my neck, walked around with no shoes on some of the time, and generally felt as free as a bird.. My boyfriend shared the flat with two of his school friends and an American boy who was slightly older.

 Many evenings were spent talking about all sorts of subjects dear to their hearts, existentialism, for instance, or the latest film or play or author.. I never said much as I didn't feel I was an intelligent enough to mingle my thoughts with theirs.  Of course my boyfriend never had any money as he was waiting to start university, and my wages didn't stretch far either... We would all often wait until Chris the American boy would come home with food he had bought on his way back to share with us..

 Sometimes we would have enough money to go to a Greek restaurant nearby who cooked the best sausage and mash potatoes and bacon to feast on with loads of sweet tea to swallow.. if we were really flash, my boyfriend would get us to meet up in a local pub nearby and we would be there from opening times to closing, and I hated that.

He and the others would get drunker and drunker and more stupid, whilst myself and the other girls would look at each other and just sit waiting until we could go home..  I should have realised then, that the drink would be a part of my future life with the boyfriend who became my husband a short while later. 

We would hitch hike all over the place too, and it seemed great fun to be able to travel far distances without actually paying for it.. Of course, looking back it could have turned out differently, but we were young, in love, and the world was all for us.. We truly did believe that love would change the world... that if we were kind enough and spent love around enough, all would be well, and wars would cease.. how naive it looks now, but at the time we really believed it. That summer too, was hot and ripe, waiting to be picked up and drained in one swallow. Which we did!
Discovering sex was amazing if a little surprising that there wasn't more to it!! I remember my first time thinking, is this what they all talk about, how boring it might turn out to be,,. of course I later realised that things can change and it all got a whole lot more exciting!

I think that it was the first time our generation had had the freedom to choose, to decide what they were going to do with their earnings, or which way they were going to choose to live. A lot chose the hardest way by dabbling in heavy drugs which certainly put them on a much different road to myself.  It was frighteningly easy to get hold of drugs to smoke or inject, and a lot of my friends succumbed to the temptation.  When I read about the famous rock bands who had a ferocious affair with drugs and who are now grandparents and SO sober, it makes me wince,  a lot of people followed their examples and did not live to marry or beget kids...

I think that the way to describe that summer as not only one of love and peace, but hope.. Hope that we could change things, ignore the rules and we could find a way that was more kind to each other...

 This however has resulted in anarchy, and feral children, and parents with a lack of responsibility.. We felt that love could be free  and shared all around.. mentally speaking, not physically for me, although others did take it to the farthest point too!  And actually what has resulted is a total mess for everyone...

What a shame all that youthful joy and hope was crushed under the no rules and drugs that got in the way.. 

Life is indeed a U turn, and one which comes to us , like it or not..  we are now losing our teeth, our hair, our strengths and our body is starting to fail us too...

 I shall never forget that I was part of a really loving, truth- seeking generation, that tried to change the world with love and peace and sharing. and if life is a U turn, then I am glad that I have rounded the corner almost intact- at least mentally, if not quite physically, and  that I still love people and still believe that peace should be given a chance!!

Friday, 6 July 2012

Tomorrow is SO NOT another day!!

There's that expression, Ah well, tomorrow is another day, meaning that you can defer what you are doing and leave it 'til the morning or afternoon or evening of the following day.. Well, I realised this morning that there was no such thing that equalled this saying**

 I don't know who made it up, I know it was said at the end of that famous film, Gone With the Wind.. but who was the first one, probably some ancient Greek who seemed to have said the first sayings of anything we use these days!!

So, why do I say this? 

In my twenties the future seemed so far in front that you could easily think that you'd have eons of time to correct or do what you wanted.. so University wasn't an option, you were going out to work straight away instead.. University could be looked at again when you could afford to attend.. Having Children young, so you couldn't go out and nightclub the night away, and travel without fear of time or place, well, you could do all that when the kids had grown and gone their own road..   Losing your figure after having kids, well it would take time to get it back, so don't worry Tomorrow is another day!!

Ha!  Well it jolly well isn't because tomorrow becomes TODAY- of course what a simpleton, I hear you say... well, it occurred to me that all those tomorrows have stopped being endless and easy to anticipate , cos now I am running out of time.. the way each week goes in a flash, when it used to drag as a child and now its gone in two seconds.. and don't ask about years! Where the hell do they disappear to?

I am sure that if I had been able to address myself at twenty say, I would not have listened because my hormones were raging and all I wanted was to find a husband to settle down with and have babies... I would have ignored the advice, just as I poo pooed the idea that school days were going to be looked on in the future as the best days of ones life!

Having realised that there are no tomorrows- only today, I sat and wondered this morning who exactly I am?

At this advanced stage of 67, I have to admit I don't bloody know! 

Oh of course I was a mother, a wife, a cook, cleaner, recruitment expert, career girl... but what. underneath it all, am I.?.. I certainly had different dreams before the hormones kicked in.. I drew all the time, I went to Art School, I was going to be a stage costume designer, I had it all worked out.. Then my dad decided that it was time I was put to work, and so I left Art School and went to work in a Bank operating a machine that was ancient and hard to use which processed all the movements in and out of bank customers on their statements. Then too, I had to file, make tea and be useful... how boring!!!..

At 18 I went with my parents when my dad accepted a teaching job in his home town of Aix en Provence.. Lovely experience, but after two years  I came back to live in England, taking a job as a Nanny in Sussex  to be near my boyfriend who was at Sussex University.. At 21 I was married and pregnant with my first child Daniel.   It would be over 30 years later when I was able to have a Christmas alone with my husband, albeit the second one.. as each year all the kids were there and sharing the day..

In the meantime, I lost who I was and wanted to be.. [using the old expression... Well, Tomorrow is another day], plenty of time to pick up the pieces and get going.. but guess what?.. When the first three were old enough to be left with a babysitter and I could get onto the nightclubbing and concerts routine, I get pregnant again and have another two boys who were delightful, but who stopped me in my tracks in getting a bit of life outside the house.. So in my thirties I  still had to stay home, work and play and see  the years going by still hoping that in my forties I could do it all...

Well Ha again! guess what... I would have looked too stupid , at least in my eyes as I know others do, but the lifestyle that I thought I could catch up with ? That time had passed by and I had missed out all those plans I'd had when I thought that Tomorrow was another day....

And now here I am in the last quarter of my life plagues by stupid illness  effects and not in the perfect health I always had, my energy levels quite depleted, thinking what a waste!

The expression Carpe Diem, is so right.... Seize the Day and do not wait for tomorrow- do it all when you want to do it, don't defer, do it now!!

 That's why I love reading the blogs of all of you, its immediate and you are seizing the day!

Monday, 2 July 2012

Deeply disappointed

It didnt happen!
The re union that I had planned for and anticipated did not take place at all!!!

 I got up early made my ablutions and washed and set my hair. Got my clothes on, collected the payment John wanted banked, and then put all my things in the car and set off for the town. I had plenty of time to do the banking before going to collect my friend for our journey to Oxford. On the main road the car was juddering here and there and a strange whooshing sound came very noticable. Even moving the gears up to a higher ratio didnt seem to improve performance, but the juddering wore off and reappeared several times.

I banked the money and returned home and told John. We sat in the car and turned it on and there was nothing missing a beat, no red lights on the dashboard, and as the thinking was that it might be a bit of blockage that would sort itself out by a long drive, I set off for my friends house.

When I got there, her husband came down and spoke to me and I explained the problem. I sat in the next seat whilst David took the car for a little drive around.. He agreed with me that something was up and then I spoke to John at home who suggested that I call the AA people to get me home. However I thought it better than waiting around for a couple of hours or more, to try and limp home and let my friend be driven by her husband to Oxford and meet the others and say why I couldnt come after all !

 I'm sure that you will know how disappointed I am and missing the great opportunity to catch up and compare lives. I limped back home and the car goes into the garage on Wednesday.  I could have really arranged to travel with my friend and her husband and then come back and called the AA, but I would not have relaxed all afternoon thinking of how I was going to get home.. so I think I made the right decision, but it still hurts that I wasnt there**

There are lots of times when we experience lost opportunities and can only see them in hindsight. I know that if I had worked harder at school and thought about going to University in England I would have achieved a lot more on the job front and career wise. But at the time I just wanted studying to be over and to get out into the real world.. Of course matters were more simpler then. You went for an interview, they asked a few questions and if they liked the look of you, you had the job. It was so easy to get a job then, if you were well spoken, well dressed and had a reasonable education.

Not like now where they expect you to have degree level education before seeing you. Plus you have to present a cv sent before in order to be chosen to interview. I do not envy the young ones with all the hoops they have to jump through before  getting a decent job. It must so depressing to be refused time after time because so many people have applied for one job.!

I am lucky, touch wood, my kids all have jobs that they like and are respected by their colleagues, so thats one thing less to worry about because it really is a hard hard world out there now.

This recession is throwing up all sorts of reasons for it happening and the latest scandal is of course the banking systems, which got far too clever and weird that money was lost hand over fist again and again and everyone kept quiet and boosted their company reputation by not mentioning how bad things really were!!.

I do hope we at least get a handle on these wrongdoings and correct it all to be much safer and more believable in the future.. But I am not holding my breath!!

Sunday, 1 July 2012

WE only have around 6 months until the world ends.!!

This is the prophecy that was written by the Ancient Mayans.. that we should expect the World to end on December
21st 2012!!  There have been many occasions when the end of the world has been forecast, but this one is too near for comfort** 

REading a quote by Nora Ephron, the dear writing lady that died last week,.she said that although we all know death is coming, we deny it right until the last moment.. why is that you think!?  If we truly are going to go out in a mad flash bang on the days before christmas this year, what are we going to do with the remaining time we have now?

 I feel its too hard to anticipate such a happening, or I would be going mad trying to visit my kids on the opposite sides of the world and gather all the others to be near me as the day approaches.. They of course would be poo pooing the whole idea and think Mum's gone mad again,. she's off on one of her idea travels !!

Seriously though, I cannot think of what else to do except be a good person trying to help others when needed and trying to live a life less difficult. I have always lived with the idea of passing on kindness so that will stay..

[By the way I do not think that it includes sending money to far distant countries because their people are poor and neglected, as it seems  the money raised, usually goes to the corrupt people running the countries!

 Reading another article yesterday where it told of various african villages being chosen to be millenium villages, where money would be spent making their lives better.. A good enough idea of course.. reality has proved very different though..

They have ended up with pipes being brought to their villages, but in order to get them installed for a fresh water supply, the villagers are asked to give £10 per person to get the work done!!

In another village where there were promises to build a new school and hospital, they were left with a big pile of bricks, but nothing else... how is that going to help!? Its no wonder these poor people are left feeling let down after all the promises..

And its not that we haven't sent enough money, its been sidetracked all along the way, and they are still left in the same position... so that is not an area that I am supporting despite best wishes to them..]

So, 6 months.. not long is it.... I shall go and make sure my parents graves are attended,. They lived over 100 miles away from me, so I did not get down to the graves very often recently..that will change as I am going to go this month again. I shall try and live more aware of the beauty in each day and get back in touch with all those people that I have not contacted recently. I shall  examine my thoughts  to see what else I can do to make life better for those around me, and I shall try and live each day as if I have no others.. that will prepare me for the end on the 21st December, I think.. I just hope the Mayans were wrong in all this and that we have a lot more than 6 months of living left!!!

A bit nervous

Tomorrow I am travelling to pick up an old school friend to go to Oxford and meet up with other school friends I have not seen since I left school over 50 years ago!! I am a bit nervous to see them and garner all the news of their lives and mine, since we last met. I know that I do not have the same shape, hair colour or looks as I had then, but maybe they will have changed too! It will be fun seeing them again I am sure, and we shall have a wonderful lunch together.

We were originally meeting as  another friend was coming to England from Spain where she lives. However her health let her down and she is presently in hospital having a stent put in to sort out the mini strokes she's been ignoring for a while. She is forever optimistic and does not take them seriously, but the latest episode I think, will change that!

 I am also nervous because the wretched car was making silly noises yesterday as I drove it. John .my husband, said it was because we do not drive long distances with it, and that was what caused the valve to go and be replaced earlier this year. He thinks that the long drive tomorrow will sort it out,. I do hope so!

The sun is shining now after a load of showers ,and that always makes me feel better.. I will try and take pictures to remind myself of our getting together, and we shall all promise not to leave it so long to catch up again. One of the girls is over from her house in Kenya where she has lived since she married, and that will be so interesting hearing how she manages over there. She is recently widowed so that will be another load of things to hear about.

I am undecided what I am going to wear, with this weather being so changeable it would be nice to wear a dress, but not sure about it.. and yet I don't want to get too hot whilst travelling.

Our car is only 5 years old and is a Jaguar Estate, and an expensive car, both to run and repair, so I'll be  keeping my  fingers crossed that our journey will be safe and sound and I arrive back in one piece!!