greetings to a friend called Livia

What a lovely name, probably roman in origin? I too have had that op and it does get you down trying to get better and recuperate.. it does take a while and one is very weepy with it too- I was back working after 3 weeks, but really shouldnt have been; I was aiding my husband in his Accountancy practice and really could have done without having to get to his office to help with the admin at that time.. I got so bored staying at home.. but it did get better and after several weeks I became to feel a bit more like myself again. Since then I have had several operations for various things.. but each time managed to recover quite well except for this last one that has left me with a lot of damage... However, I am back driving and getting around even slowly is a bonus than being cooped up in the house! all my kids have fled the coop, so I live with my husband and two dogs in a large house and we both work from home.. I use an office upstairs and his is downstairs.. we hardly meet during the day** I am writing this and hearing John take the dogs out for their evening walk, and Millie the girl dog is barking like mad... she doesnt do it when I am there, but with him she shouts and barks all the time with her excitement at going out.. Reiver the other dog is much quieter, although he does bark when she gets him annoyed! I live right in the middle of England, equally distant from Nottingham and Derby and not too far from Leicester.. The M1 which is our main route through UK is o nly 3 miles away and the airport 8 miles away.. Our house was built in 1823, so is georgian in design and size.. this is the biggest house I have ever lived in, and we had no children living here when we moved, they had all grown up... Between us we have 8 children and several grandchildren... Do not worry if you cry a lot after your op, it is all part of the healing and letting go of the awful pain... go back to docs to get sttronger ones if they are not dulling the pain as much as they could.  Look forward to hearing from Livia again, but to anyone who has taken time to read this. thank you very much for y our support!

without the car

Well, truly lost without a car... ours having been taken in this morning to have tyres changed, had to catch the bus to get to hospital for xray.. took me over 25 mins to walk to bus stop slowly of course.. and then another same distance to hospital.. by the time I managed to catch the bus home I was completely whacked out! So I must make sure we never get rid of the car !!
I have joined an organisation called CES which stands for Cauda Equina Syndrome...a rare condition caused by nerve damage to spine... mine was inflicted by doctors, but you can get it from bulging discs that arent seen to... whichever way to get it, its horrid and permanent...so life changing... I shall be involved if I can in making the world more aware of it... even medical people dont seem to know about it... or want to, if truth be told!! It is the hardest thing on earth to accept a life change like this, and I know I should be grateful that I am not completely paralysed, but I am not.. just furious that I am like this through no fault of my own..
 there, thats my vent for today....
 what else is happening... managed to get quite a few nice things sold on Ebay and that has made me happy, so will end on a happy note ****

First sunday after New Year

Cold and damp, but still fine for a january day... got things downstairs ready to hand over having sold them on Ebay.. they should all be coming to collect today... dont like waiting to be paid, as they can still change their minds which can be a bore.. I am liking Ebay a lot, but find that I do hardly ever sell first time, the one who makes the most out of my transactions is Ebay of course as I relist and relist...I do have lots of things I want to clear out, but getting a proper price for them is not as easy as it seems..I  have been using Ebay now for over 4 years and found it useful in many ways, just wish I was better at selling the items first time round!!I am also in the midst of clearing out my office, creating new space, cleaning and tidying and also finding the paper work for my year end accounts. so its all higgledy piggledy at the moment, but the end of the week should see it sorted..

doggie people transition

It can happen without you even knowing its going to!! When my daughter left england to live in Canada over ten years ago, we took on the responsibility of one of her dogs, a darling collie called Sasha.. she was already an adult dog with all her own ways and foibles... the worst was trying to walk her out... she would pull so much I could not take her, but it was funny to see her almost on the floor pulling us along... as she gradually grew older she calmed down and became quite the dowager queen.. in the last year of her life, we introduced a puppy who was part staffie and part collie... she looks staffie colours, but more collie intelligence... full of bounce though and she used to really try and get Sasha to play... when her moves got too much for the older lady, she let her know in no uncertain terms, but together they learned to play and live and love each other. I do believe that Sasha enjoyed Millie's company and made her last days quite happy. When Sasha did finally join the other dogs in the sky we were introduced to another lovely dog we named Reiver. He is also part staffie, but the other part is lurcher.. he is bigger and quieter and much more quiet... or at least he was until he fell under Millie's influence... he has come out of his shell a lot and they play so well together despite all the growls and barks at each other they love each other a lot... Millie is an inveterate jumper upper and seems to think that you have to lick a person to death to show your affection for them... so she will calm down later I am sure because Sasha too was like this... the funniest thing is when they are dozing in the evening and I call downstairs, Millie starts to bark with a squeak as if to say,' I wasnt asleep just dozing.... where's the panic..'. then she will push at Reiver to go seek the reason for her waking up... she really does push him around, which he takes mostly, but if she over does it he tells her off! I guess we are so affectionate with the dogs as our children are all grown and they are so easy to love even when they get smelly after rolling in muck or diving in the river.. my kids think we are mad, but then I would never have believed how quickly a couple of puppies could take over your life.. we have had them 2 years now and would not change them for the world... despite the committment.. life just wouldnt be the same without them.........doggie people indeed!!!!

falling apart

I am falling apart again..this getting old is no fun, just like a famous film actress said..'getting old is not for cissies'! how right she was. Now I need to have glasses for reading, never needed them before but this old body has decided it does now, and quickly too... first sign was a weird flashing and breaking up in right corner of right eye.. went to opticians and he said it was likely to be a low grade migraine..I never get them any grade, but apparently I had had one...so nothing major, just change glasses and use for reading... As I read a lot, I have to obey him... I have been pushed around and made to go from hospital to hospital and everyone not sure what to do with me... Monday have more of the same although this time I shall have to go on the bus as the car will be in garage having tyres changed.. the bus trip is not too bad, just hate all the hanging around on corners waiting for them to come along.
 I was wondering the other day what advice. if any, I would have given to my 16 year old self..probably the most  regret I do have is not having done a university degree, because in those days it really counted and helped you get a really good job, and I would have loved to have gone and worked on tv- interviewing and reveiewing and researching.. too late now, but I would have said to that 16 yr old, stop all the histrionics and get down to some real studying and achieve as much as you possibly can before settling down and raising a family.. of course I married at 21 and had three children by the time I was 25... No time for much night clubbing or socialising outside for me or my young husband... much too early to have taken on responsibility for raising a family... we did alright though and by some miracle they turned out well and proud of them we are  too!!! All have in their own ways achieved a lot and taken the flag and run further and longer and more  successfully than we did.. I went back to work when the youngest was three and loved my work in Recruiting.. a job I was born for, never found it tedious or boring ever! then a few years later had the final two , a lovely couple of boys, who were delightful but much more demanding, and if I had had them first I might have stopped at two children instead of five!!¬!!Now they are all grown up, some with children, others waiting to be parents in the future, but all of them make me so proud they are mine... and how much knowledge I get from them, its quite amazing.. I love learning and their experience of the world  has different perspective and fresh outlook.. wonderful to chat and discuss with them any subject in the world..  also I would have told myself that life is to be experienced and taken in both hands... so much to see and feel out there, not to be afraid to be alone... to enjoy and savour being young and single instead of worrying about being left on the shelf!!!!!!!!!!!!!1so on that thought, I will end here and return to my waiting bed**

better days are here again?????

Today was my husband's birthday and his family came over this afternoon and we had a great time together... its getting colder outside so he took the dogs for their walks, as I can no longer guarantee this knee of mine won't collapse... which is just as well as it got stupid again this evening and even walking downstairs was a really difficult operation... I tried to see if the  Doctors were back at work at our local surgury, but of course they are still off, will have to try tomorrow.. I am finding blogging harder than I thought when I look at what other people are blogging about, mine is sorely missing something intelligence probably!!!

named

I had the two spinal ops done in May last year, and after being sent to different departments in the hospital they have come up with a name for the condition they gave me. Cauda Equina Syndrome... awful and non cureable but liveable with- just-... any dignity is taken away, no modesty preserved, and a life that is changed forever... I know its not as bad as lots of other terrible illnesses  that people get, but oh my, how it does make me feel bad and alone and lost. When I was discharged from the hospital, no one had any advice to give me and I spent a lot of time on the phone trying to get various items that I needed to survive in any way. Tonight is the the start of a new year, but I am feeling pretty down as it is not going to get better or go away and not much to do but take it as it comes. If you look online to see  what happens, it takes away the best bits of your life too, the connection between yourself and who you are and also in the relationship however caring and loving, it leaves you high and dry and quite bereft..I'm going to stop here as I shall get more maudlin, but hopefully tomorrow I shall be on a more positive note.. tonight I am angry and sad and humiliated all by myself...