Monday16th Jan 012

Another birthday, this one is my first husband's birthday and although we are fairly cordial to each other amd meet at social family gatherings, I do not have his address to send a card... which is a shame, because he will always be the first man I ever loved and he gave me these five wonderful kids,so I would have liked to have sent a card. We met when I was 19 and he was 18 and after a couple of years we were married with Daniel on the way to join us. We had no money, he was studying at the University of Sussex, newly established then..  and then London University and boy were we poor... we muddled through, somehow, I don't really know how... but when you are in your early 20's you just get on with it... he was the only one married amonst his friends at Uni, and he did find it hard and as the years grew and we had more kids join us, as he climbed the corporate ladder successfully, he found it hard to keep a lid on things and finally we ended up after 23 years going our separate ways.. but he will always have a very special place in my heart forever. So whereever you are , Happy Birthday**

Its a glorious day outside although the frost was even harder last night and took ages for the car to be warm enough to drive out. I posted some stuff and have more to do this afternoon... then went for my favourite jaunt around the local charity shops.. or thrift shops... I swear with out them I could never have furnished this huge house without them! I also love to car boot, visit and selling, but haven't done that for almost two years now.. so this year going to get all active and do some more..
 I have loads of things Iwant to do, and painting furniture is one of them, and  learning how to use my electric sewing machine that I bought new last year and still haven't dared turn it on!!! I am like this with electrical gadgets, they have to sit around until I am ready to use them, then I wonder why it took so long... but sewing is different... a- because I haven't used one since I was 15 and then it was only one hour a week learning... and b- I have os many projects that would have to be done and could be completed much quicker than hand sewing.. which is how I have coped before..
 around 17 years ago I bought another sewing machine new and rather than use it gave it to my son and his wife to use, which they did and then it was passed on to another son and wife and until it finally gave up the ghost without me ever using it... so this time I am going to really get to grips with it!!!!!
I am waiting to learn how to put up pics/photos, then I will show you my house in all its glory and the projects I need to make it even better and more beautiful.. it is georgian and has great space... we moved from a 4 bed to this, which is 8 beds, spread over two houses, the little one next door, was separated off for the curate, the asst to the Rector here in the  1940's.. it has three beds in that side, and we have 5 in our side.. As John and I both work from home, we use two of the five beds for offices, and the two extra for guests when family or friends stay over. It is pretty basic yet, with one family bathroom and separate toilet, no ensuites and a downstairs toilet.. But we like it this way and doesn't present problems even with guests staying.. 
All in all, its turning out to be quite a positive day for me, and I am sure its all to do with this office being much more organised!!S0  on that note I shall finish here until I think of something else to say!!

afternoon

what a gorgeous after noon it is now, the sun is shining so much, but the frost is still around on the ground.. I am dressed now and will be going to make some scones for this afternoon tea... I have just put the phone down on a darling friend that I have known for over 40 years, how young we all were once... she lost her husband 3 months ago and is having panic attacks and dreadful days of depression and gets so angry with herself for not being able to cope and get stronger inside instead of allowing herself to get deeper into the mire... However I keep reminding her that her grief is every bit as valid as anything and trying to shake herself out of it won't work as her body has to go through this process... She nursed him for 6 years and was at home with him all that time caring and sharing the days with him.. then when he did go, it was not expected and she had gone home to catch up on her sleep so she endlessly queries why she left him at the most important time... but how can one tell when is going to be the final moment.. he seemed to be asleep and not in distress so she left him for a couple of hours to take care of herself.. They had a true love story which probably makes it harder, and they battled a lot of things to be together, and now he is gone.. Life is so fleeting and is gone before you know it.. she had many years with him, but I bet it doesnt feel enough even so.. When I lost my parents in 02-03, my dad being the last of 13 people whom I knew well and intimately in the family who died that year from jan 02 to april 03 - I didnt realise what a toll it would take.. I put everything on the back burner to cope with these matters later... which I did.. and how!!!... 4 years later I was stricken with panic attacks that I thought would make me die... hospitalised twice, but it was all the backlog of these losses and stress caused that gave my body the inclination to say enough, and it was truly weird how I had no control over why or how or when I was going to get the next attack... I felt very mortal all of a sudden, realitiy kicked in and for the first time I could see myself not around anymore... Even when I was in my early twenties and they had told me that my kidney failure whilst pregnant could lead to another fatal failure in my forties, I had somehow known I wasn't going to have that happen with a family to rear... but in my 60's it was a whole different ball game! suddenly I wondered if I was going to be around in a couple of years time, did I even have a year left... all this because of panic attacks... Luckily the medication mild though it was, did help and I have avoided feelings like that for a long time, but my body and brain took control and I just had to wait until they felt they had got rid of all the built up stress... which is what I have been telling my friend to do... she will have to ride it out, and honestly three months after a life time together is not time enough for it to have worked through..
On a more positive note, I got a drawing from my grandson in australia who is nearly 2 and I am going to frame it and put up on the wall... his dad my eldest son I could keep happy in his high chair with a piece of paper and a pencil to draw from when he was 13 months old, so Griffin is following in his dad's steps... His dad -Daniel by the way, became an art Director at a highly sought after Ad Agency in Perth Australia where he moved almost 2 years ago with his australian wife after many years in the industry and running his own agency ... so maybe the little one will do  artistic too later on..!!.

sunday.again, the start of another week..

Another much harder frost than yesterday is making it so cold and breathless outside.. My man is out jogging again, he has done so for over 30 years and kept him lean until just recently.. now he goes a lot slower and it shows, but he is still good to look at!!Yesterday I almost completed cleaning and re arranging my office, it has so many things in it, it still looks busy, but I know it is clean and dust free so that will have to do.. Put up new lacy curtains too to let the light in and make it feel more springlike.. a new beginning tomorrow.. For the last 6 years I have had a lot of things happen healthwise.. I have had my right hip replaced, then the right knee, then the left knee, then last year my spinal ops that didnt go too well, and so this year I am determined no more ops.. ! And accordingly my little business has suffered.. I always managed to keep it ticking over, but it didnt make the money it should.. when done properly, recruiting is a good solid and well paid job, but with all the breaks for the ops and the recuperation it has slipped into just ticking over and I made money in between by selling stuff on Ebay... now I must refocus and get my final year running this business sorted by at least a couple more assignments and finish off with a flourish!! I have run this businss since 1987 so its a long time, and luckily having my husband subsidise me all these last years has helped, but I would like to end on an up note with a successful recruitment campaign.. I work on Search - so its not just like waiting for the candidates walking in.. I have to seek them out for my clients, so this is first priority tomorrow to get back into contact with a whole load of my clients and see what their plans are for this year.. Of course the recession didnt help at all.. cut backs and everything, but lawyers are always sought after.. so thats the plan for the week.. other than that I would like to lost at least 70 lbs but that has been ongoing since the last 15 years!! maybe this year I will do it... since my ops last year have lost 20 s maybe I can! Going to get dressed now... when John goes out for his jog I get onto the puter, how sad is that not even getting dressed for the day first!! so will go and dress and start the day properly... bye bye world for the minute**

another book title, not today

Its been a very hard frost outside, but the sun is coming out and all is well with the world, well, here anyway... I feel quite positive today, I am moving around the office and getting it all spring cleaned so it doesnt look quite a tip as usual!! I shall change the curtains and have a totally different outlook for the desk and I shall feel renewed,,, Did not wake up with another book title, so seems it doesnt run in threes!! I have been inspired looking at other blogs and all the beautiful pictures, I shall start to look out pics of my won and find out how to share them with the world soon.. I shall feel quite invigorated and inspired and getting on with changing my work world and outlook so the coming Year is a much better one that the last one* so thats it now until my office is changed and cleaned..

7 letters from a Liars Market

The last two mornings, I have woken up with a title of a book in my mind... dont know why or where these ideas come from but the first one yesterday, Liars Market, and then today Seven Letters, so my husband suggested that I put them together like I have in the title of this post... Its quite fascinating to think that it could lead to all sorts of ideas... who would read or believe letters from a liar? Was it Liar, or Lyre, dont know, but got me thinking how authors find what to call their books. When I went to meet Michael Connelly who was over here signing his latest book just before Christmas he said he started with the title.. And all the different meanings that it could have.. his latest was called The Drop,. which could allude to the blood spot, the way a person's life was going and a million more ideas he said to us the audience,.,. It was a fabulous evening meeting an Author who you like and read everything from* I do also like to email Authors and let them know I loved their books, from speaking to them, I have found they do find the feedback interesting and uplifting at times, so thats good, and I love the connecting~~From looking at a lot of blogs, I think that there are a lot more writers out there that have not been published.. perhaps everyone has a book that could be read inside of them... so back to my two titles, what to do with them and will I have another one tomorrow as I wake up to add to the list!??

back from the dentist

Its sunny outside but the wind is cold and my feet are still freezing from standing at a bus stop waiting for the bus to take me into town to catch another bus home. I had to take a taxi to the dentist to start the procedure of getting another Dental bridge fixed.. My dog Millie decided my last one was too delicious not to bite into tiny bits!! Well, I did go into major meltdown that night... my poor husband didnt know what to do with me.. This year has been such a terrible one for me and I have had a very long learning curve in trying to cope with it all. Getting sciatica was not pleasant, but I could just about manage with strong painkillers.. could take the dogs out walking for at least 2 miles, but as it was constant was referred to specialist who said they were amazed I was still walking as the MRI showed how compressed my nerves were and that I would be in a wheelchair very soon... hummm.... well of course I agreed to the op didnt I?? WEnt in on May 9th last year, and after a few days it was obvious that my voiding from both ends was not stopping, so on the 26th they did another op, which gave a bit of tiny control..ish that is..... which left me with a condition called Cauda Equina Syndrome... not good, still able to walk,but not so far with the weakened legs... plus all the other effects that condition causes... As you can imagine I have been devastated and feeling less female and my self.. so when the dog ate my teeth, I was sunk into a very very black hole... all night,, but somehow its not worth going on and on about it, so next day, back to normal again, or at least pretending to be as normal as is possible, and carry on... so now we are starting the process of making a bridge for me which wont be ended until mid Feb... believe me I could have given Millie away that night... however, the sun is shining and spring is on its way, and I can get around, and I have a husband  and family that love me as I am with or without all the extras**!!

exciting to be contacted from across the pond!!

This blogging lark is amazing, and how well everybody seems to write... there are a lot of craft ones and religious ones, but I want to just share my thoughts without any preaching or praising or showing off... I have the most wonderful family whom I communicate with on Facebook, so that gets me in touch with them all the time... I have friends around the world too, but blogging is even better as you can put your thoughts out there in the ether and maybe some soul the other side of the world will catch that thought and send a message back to you, which is what has happened..** I live with my husband, we have two mad dogs who are 2 years old and should know better.. I love buying and selling antiques and bric a brac... must come from my background.. in the 19th and early part of the 20th century, my maternal grandparents came from coster monger families and had market stalls** My darling mother had the most wonderful voice, and she sang opera and sounded very like Maria Callas, but to my ear, much better!! My dad was musical too Chopin being our surname I guess it was taken for granted!! My parents love to make music, entertain their friends and have a sing song in the evenings when we were all with family or friends.. these days, entertainment seems to be the box, or computer, but back then we did our own.. I had a reasonable singing voice which is all but lost now, and my brother had a lovely tenor voice too.. we even joined a group that entertained the old people in homes for  a while when I was in my teens. My mother became part of the entertainment group ENSA that travelled all over to give concerts for the troops in the second world war.. My dad was a wireless operator in the Bombers in the RAF.  We had my parents around for a lovely long time, and they only left us at the beginning years of this century when they were in their mid 80's.. We actually managed to know them as grown ups and they had the joy of seeing great grandchildren come along to join the family.. I miss them dreadfully, but glad I had them a longer time than most. I am looking forward to finding new friends through this medium and will now look at tv and watch a programme I've been promising myself to see..