Back to Biscuit Wednesdays..

Here we are again, biscuit wednesday is the day we go to collect John's grandsons after school and take them back to their house until their parents get back from work. We only do this day once a week, and over the years, starting when they were both at nursury, we have religiously managed to get over and collect and look after them. It means that we have had much more contact than the other grandparents, and we are so lucky. Watching them grow up week by week, being close to them, has brought great happpiness to my husband and myself. Before we had this arrangement I had had quite a difficult relationship with his daughter, their mother. From the outset, despite me not being the reason that their parents' marriage had broken, she simply despised me, and being the eldest child, it meant that the other siblings did too.. so not a happy time all round. Then after the boys were born and she could see how much I really did love them too, she has changed enormously and we are quite good friends now, and her sister and brother are much nicer too! Having had five children of my own and three of them providing me with grandchildren, I already have 9 blood grandchildren, but these two boys were icing on the cake, and I loved them just as much as all the others.. But the best bit of Christmas this year past, was the fact that John's son and his wife gave the family a little girl called Amelia and she has made everyone so happy. In the early days of our babysitting, we used to get the boys to practice their reading, but now that they are almost 10 and 8, and can read perfectly well, we have had to invent other things to do. John would rather be interacting with them, than sitting watching them watching tv, and so he tried to teach them Chess. This was a big success, and in fact the boys have taken to it so well, they sometimes beat their grandfather! Football is another area where they can interact. John has found a renewed interest in knowing all about news of the football world, and the fact that both boys play for teams at the weekend makes it all so much more real. When I had my children, I had a boy then a girl, then another girl, finishing up with another two boys...so football was not heavily on our agenda. My boys seemed to prefer athletics or basketball , not really football. For myself, I can do without standing on the sidelines in the freezing cold, waiting for the teams to play.. god the times I got heavy colds doing that, doesn't bear thinking about.!!! With the addition of this new granddaughter, I wonder what her delights will be... will it be ballet like for a lot of little girls, or running or tennis or netball.. all that to find out. At the moment she is only 10 days old and her future is all before her..lucky her.. The weather has been grey and quite miserable, but that is to be expected for winter isnt it? We forget, having had a reasonable summer last year, just how grey and wet and cold it can be in Winter, but once January is out of the way and the little buds start appearing and spring seems round the corner, the cold seems more bearable. This January I am quite getting excited, because on the 23rd of this month I am going to visit my son in Australia. He lives there in Perth with his second wife and their two sons. I have never visited before, so its going to be quite an adventure. If you have read previous posts, I have Cauda Equina Syndrome, which means my nether parts are part paralysed, so I have no idea when is happening down below, and have to be pretty aware and manage as best I can, so this long trip will tax all my strength to keep on top of my necessary needs and medications. I tried late last year to visit my brother in the South of France and that went pretty well, so gave me confidence to seek further afield flights.. I am sure I will have the holiday of a lifetime and cannot wait to get started. Luckily my husband is content to stay home and he will do the collecting and babysitting on his own with the boys. They are really such easy kids to care for.. as long as they are fed and watered and happily playing games or reading, we do not get any trouble from them at all. Probably because we do go home and not there all the time! The live about a forty minute drive from us, so easily driven there. Their house is a very large semi in a very pretty village. It would be nice, if when we downsize from our Rectory, we could find a home in the same village, but that is not going to be for a couple more years. anything might happen in that time. It would be most pleasant though to be able to be near the boys and in a smaller house in a pretty village..we shall see. With Amelia, we have offered babysitting too, although they are just over an hour away...I know that with distances in Canada and America ,much larger distances are usually between families, so its quite viable to offer our services to her, as we would love to be just as involved as with the boys. So, I am getting ready to put my coat on, take my crochet to do, and a book to read maybe, and we shall be off in a minute... Biscuit Wednesdays are so called, because in the early days, there was always a large tin of biscuits for the boys to eat from, and that is how it got its name*

another New Year

Well, here we are again, at the start of a whole new year before us.To celebrate this, I managed to get my page on facebook totally wrong, and was issued with another one, so my original is still here, but I cannot access it unless as a friend... which is utterly stupid, but thats my fault of course* I cannot be thinking straight as I simply could not fix it, and found answers in the forum utterly odd to understand... so I am stuck with trying to friend all my friends, who really are wondering why, since they were already friends** At the start of each new year, the newspapers go into overdrive about the past year and what has been achieved..so I am ruminating here, about what I have actually managed to achieve also.. Since my spinal ops went so wrong almost five years ago, I have not ventured to travel on holiday at all, preferring to do short trips to friends who are very understanding if my body plays up whilst I am with them. Because I am semi paralysed in the lower regions I do not know what is going on there, and can, at times be caught 'very short' and that really is a mess. However during late summer, I was given an amount of money that was a refund, and straight away I bought myself a ticket to visit my brother in his home in the South of France. I went for two weeks, and my body behaved right up until the last day, and luckily we were still at the house, so no disasterous event outside in public* My two weeks were spent in utter easiness with my dear Sister in Law making all the meals, she would not let me help at all... Dinner parties with friends, and daily swimming in their garden swimming pool. The weather was not too hot, and I can tell you it was utter bliss. Added to that, my son Chris and his wife Amy joined us for a few days on their way back from driving around Spain.. magical days indeed. Heartened by this wonderful holiday, I then booked another two weeks in the sun, but this time all the way away in Australia, to see my eldest son, Daniel and his two boys and second wife. They all live in Perth and I am so looking forward to seeing them soon, as I will be leaving on the 23rd of this month! I have even got tickets to visit my daughter in Canada for another two weeks in June. So in a way, last year I managed to break the spell of being bound by my body and have managed to fly further afield. I am looking forward to it, a bit nervous, true, but if I have a disaster, then so be it... cannot worry about it, it might never happen.. I guess that is what I am going to carry with me into this New Year.. That it is absolutely no use worrying about all the 'what ifs',.just to go ahead and DO It! Apart from my acting more positively, I have also been praying a lot for my grandson in Canada. As soon as he turned 16 last May, he left home as he is addicted to smoking Pot, and would not give it up.. He had also been diagnosed with Aspergers' syndrome, but will not take the meds to calm his acute anxiety, finding smoking his way of self medicating. It has been an utter nightmare for his parents seeing their child living in half way houses and hanging out with the 'no hopers' in town. Where it will all lead, we are dreading to think,but I can tell you, a great deal of prayers have been going on.. his parents are still leaving the door open, but at the moment he has decided that he wants nothing more to do with them or his little sister.. so Christmas this year was a hard one for that little family. When I see people making light of smoking marijuanna,I get very upset, as it can destroy young brains, and I have seen it happen all too many times. He knows that he is truly loved, but chooses not to try and see it from their view, he is convinced that he is the only one with the right opinions and attitudes, so it will be a long time, if ever, before he returns home to his family and lives comfortably with them again. Of course he was given everything he wanted, and my girl and her husband worked hard to achieve a high level of comfort, but none of that matters if the family heart is broken. My New Year this year, no resolutions, just a determination to try and live life day by day, and 'not to sweat the small stuff' as they say, and I hope all of you have a great and enjoyable Year, this New Year.

A lovely and loving Christmas

It was a grand Christmas this year.. it seemed to creep up before I really felt ready and although I had been buying little bits and pieces all the previous months, I still didn't feel ready...Then, it was upon us... We had a quiet day with a singleton friend of John's coming for the xmas lunch.. this went well, even John had great enjoyment of his vegetarian offering I made.. In the evening we went to John's daughters house where John's first wife and husband were also staying. We spent the whole of the evening with them and funnily enough it went very smoothly, returning home around midnight, we found my youngest son[ who had travelled up mid afternoon], fast asleep on the couch with the two dogs either side. The next day we had free as my son returned to feed his cat, and we spent time together. This saturday,[ the day after Boxing day ]is the traditional day when everyone comes over with their kids and stay a night... massive fun and games and happy times.. Now they are all gone, the last this morning, and the sun is out the snow is thawing and yet very icy outside. We are in the warm, dogs snoozing by the fire, magic indeed. Our joy was greatly enhanced by the news yesterday afternoon that John's son and wife had given us a baby granddaughter called Amelia Ivy and she had come into the world,safe and sound. John was so relieved, he had been quite anxious since he knew the baby was expected. The news made our day, and made the whole festive season even better** This is the first whole year I have spent as a retiree, and I have not found it easy. With no job, no extra money is around for me to do things that I would wish to do, so I spent the first half pottering around, then I had a refund, and straight away I booked a holiday to see my brother and wife in their south of france home.. Best thing I ever did, a whole fortnight doing just resting, visiting and eating wonderful meals, and swimming in their garden swimming pool and getting tanned! It was the first time there for ten years, and since my ops five years ago I had not dared to travel anywhere, but this time I did, and I am so happy that I took the chance to do so. Relaxed and happy that I achieved this visit, I then went online to book a ticket to visit my son in Perth Australia, and will go on January 23 for another fortnight! AND in June I have tickets to go to see my daughter in Canada, so next year, I will be doing the most travel I have done in over ten years... Next year is also a big one for a couple of other reasons.. In May I turn 70, and in September we shall celebrate twenty five years of marriage, so that will call for a party in September to celebrate both events* All in all, I cannot wait for this New Year to start!!

AT LAST I have found a way to post again on this site... whilst I did found another one called Rosiedayzesummer, I was sad to lose all my followers, so tried hard to get back**

Here I am again, as we get to count down the last days of 2014.. Its been quite a year... one when I closed my business and became fully retired.. one where I had to learn what to do with myself if I didn't have a job to do each day. Its been quite hard, and it was not helped by losing the way to get onto this blog.. it was utterly useless...I could find it, but it would not let me post anything... so this is the reason that I have been absent for so long. However, just to cap a just about perfect Christmas with our family and friends, we received the news this evening that a little girl had been born to John's son and wife. She had been expected on the 21st of this month but was too comfortable to move just until today, and it is just the most wonderful way to finish a wonderful week of celebration. It has been quite a year as I said, and I lost two very dear friends much too soon. That was shocking too, but life carries on even if you dont feel like it* I am just so delighted to be back, that I shall finish here, wishing everyone as good a time as possible when the New Year comes... and will blog again as soon as I am able.. see you soon... Janzi

Finally!!

I am quite sure that everyone has given up on me, but this is the first time I have managed to get back into my own account... I had changed computers, and it led a whole dance of rigmaroles to get back into touch again... So here I am folks... and I will try and keep my entries back up to date.. I have missed not writing, but thats all another tale.. It is the early days of November and this year is getting to leave very soon. I cannot believe all the days rushing by so* for the first time since my operations that left me in a very bad way, I managed to be brave enough to travel abroad this late summer. In September I went and visited my brother in his house in the south of France. The weather was superb and I had such a wonderful holiday with him and his darling wife. They are both retired now and live in their holiday home now, full time. I did not have to lift a finger, I was truly spoiled** And luckily my body only let me down once, and I was at home, and it was the last day of the holiday, so thankful for that small mercy! At least then, my brother and his wife were able to see why I h ad been so anxious not to travel abroad for so many years.. almost four years since the ops. Being emboldened by the success of my holiday, I now have booked another two weeks, this time to travel to Australia and I leave for that on January 23rd to spend the time with my eldest son, and his lovely little family. The boys are now almost two and five. I know that Australia is a lot further to go, but with my gadgets close by, I should be able to manage the trip ok. UI only have one stop too, and that for a couple of hours,so looking forward to that and counting the days! Later next year, possibly in June, I plan to see my girl in Canada too. So next year is a big one for me... not just the holidays, but also I shall turn 70 in May and celebrate our 25th anniversary in September too! I am quite breathless with all of it* What have you all been up to>? I have so missed seeing all the other blogs I loved to read, and I am sitting enthralled in my seat, keeping the reading of them as something to savour and treasure... can't wait.. I have had a lot going on in my life too, and especially dealing with supporting my daughter in Canada who has been undergoing a true nightmare with her 16 year old who has left home because his parents will not let him smoke weed whenever he wants to. and who, because he was thwarted, became violent towards his sibling and mother and father.. Such a long tale, but its not my story, so will not go any further with this. Today is a lovely bright, cold November day and I am feeling pretty good, especially as I am back in touch with you all.. more to follow*

An Anniversary Wish

Eleven years ago in a couple of hours, my Dad died. He had been staying with me over Easter, and it was just a year ago in the March that we had lost my mother. I and my brother were so fortunate to have had our parents stay with us until their eighties. For years my dad had suffered with various heart ailments and my mother with no bad health issues at all. Then her kidneys got an infection and she stayed too long at home before agreeing to go into hospital and there she died a week later. Most unexpected and our world was shattered. She was so lively and energetic and friends with everyone. My dad of course was inconsolable after over fifties years together he felt her loss immensely. Having been a teacher in the large sussex town whenever he went out without her he had had to explain her death and his loss was renewed daily. He cried so often in his last year, although my brother took him to live with them for the summer in their South of France home, he could not seem to gain any thoughts about the future. He just wanted to join her as soon as possible. Being raised a Catholic, he believed most deeply that they would be reunited in death. So this day eleven years ago dad had got himself dressed but suddenly the anourism that had threatened him for many years happened, and we had to call the ambulance. He was in terrible pain and in the hospital I was able to stay with him during his last hours as they had to give him morphine for the pain. I managed to get a priest to give him the last rites and held his hand as he slipped away. I was in contact with my brother and had to tell him the news. We were both devastated and lost. I came home and was sick and went to bed. John my husband was kind and careful to leave me time to grieve. My parents were not perfect, we had a life of ups and downs, but we all loved each other and from the moment they had met during the war, they were inseperable. I got to know my parents as an adult and for that I am so grateful, but getting older made them infirm and fragile despite their best efforts. As I approach a land mark birthday next year, I am reminded that at my age, they were still so energetic and active in all sorts of ways whether with their friends at church, or the long summer holidays they took at their caravan in the South of France. They went every summer for three whole months and adored their time out there. My dad grew up in a place called Aix-en-Provence and for years my brother and I had heard about his time living there. Then when we had finished school, he got a teacher's job in the same area and at last we were able to see why he had loved the town so much. Today I sit thinking of him and all that he meant to us, we were so lucky to have known our parents and to have shared our lives with them, but today I would give anything just to see them again and hear theri voices. Treasure your relatives whilst they remain with you, [sometimes is harder than saying it because some parents and relatives don't get along as well as they should,] but ignore their prickliness if its there, and be glad you have people that have known you and loved you, even if they don't always show it. I was lucky, my parents did let me and my brother know that we and the children that we had, were treasured and loved, and our world was better for knowing them.. I just wish the same feelings for anyone who has family that they don't see often, keep in touch, when they are gone, the time is lost forever.

How do we deal with drug situations in a family that has been disjointed in parts, but trying hard now..

When my daughter and her husband and son went to live in Canada, I comforted myself by saying it was only a day's ride away in an aeroplane, so not too far** Of course that was true, that it wasn't too far, but I never factored in the cost of the travel... which is why having had my health issues takecentre stage for the last four or five years, I didn't have the money to get over to see them.. My daughter and her husband have always been workers full time, and so the little boy who was three went off to nursury school as soon as he was a few months old and this continued in Canada until it was time for him to go to school full time.. Having a child that was left at the nursury from 7 in the morning and collected after 6 in the evening meant that meal times at home could be difficult because everyone was tired, and Father could not stand a child that was fractious and reaction to that was more noise and shouting.. Over the years, they settled into a routine, but moved from Vancouver to Toronto where the days became even longer and he was joined by a little sister when he was 6 years old. There are some men who believe that their role is to toughen up the boys lest they become too 'soft' and obviously this treatment caused much heartache to my daughter but for the sake of peace it continued, and I am afraid that he landed up with a terrible fear which caused him to say he hated his dad.. My daughter was fortunate enough to hold down a very highly powered job which brought in more salary than her husbands, but which allowed them an amazing lifestyle, much better than they could have had in England. Over the years with a couple of more moving houses, they have now ended up in a semi rural area with land around their house and they should be so happy.. BUT drugs have become a way of life for my poor grandson and it is tearing his family apart. So far we think it is the weed, but this is not the strength of those sold in the 60's it is even more enhanced and therefore I think more dangerous. Take a child that feels alienated from his dad, a sister who he thinks is loved more than him, moving schools at 15 to a completely new area, having make new friends,with no support system of family or cousins to help.. they are all struggling to make it through each day ... like walking on ice, never knowing what condition they will find him in.. he has been stealing items from the house and money from purses to fund his now pressing habit.. he is for the first time deciding to do this action where he is in control, although choosing to use a drug that lessons his own controls of behaviour.. There are no deterrrants, apart from tough love, which would turn him out into the streets to fend for himself, and no matter that he thinks he is savvy in the way of living , he would be so vulnerable left to fend for himself.. This is so much in slow motion, this picture of self destruction building up in front of his family and they are stuck not knowing how to get this situation back under control.. with no possibility of chastisement, how are you to teach these kids from a very early age, how they get to know what is acceptable in society without having parameters to be drawn around them.?? I found it hard enough when my kids were exposed to the same sort of temptations, although it was more alcohol than weed... but they did of course have a go, but thank goodness it remained a phase they went through.. My youngest did try a few other things, but told me that he had weighed up the chances of dying from using them, and statistically he worked out he should be ok..!!! Can you imagine how I felt when he told me that.. I am sure he would not be the only one who could think in the same way.. luckily none of mine got addicted, but my grandson is at the moment highly addicted, to the point where he has to have it daily... The further difficulty is that a lot of his friends'parents do not think it is such a terrible thing to smoke weed and in fact in his school the headmaster told my daughter that some have shared their stash with their kids!!!! Along side this, there is action to have it declared legal high... which would immediately open the floodgates to everyone experimenting as much as they like. Of course at every level, I know that my grandson is lost and depressed and not happy in his family life.. this feeling hits a lot of us when we get to our teens.. we are so eager to be adults, and we all think that our parents never understand how grown up we feel, and they are always seemingly too out of touch to understand what we are getting at!! This is a stage that most get through without too much trauma and drama, and even with out drugs or alcohol its a very very trying time for parents all over the world !! .. But drugs whether almost legal or not, upset the balance of the brain. This organ is so finely tuned, that even a little usage of illicit drugs can damage the unfortunate 'one in a million.'.. can cause paranoia, illness, schcitzoid tendancies or trigger other illnesses that are not easily remedied. I despair for my daughter and husband in their attempts to try and help him come to see what he is doing is self destruction, not self medication as he sees it.. He is deeply depressed but this will make him more so, and underneath all the awful exterior when he is 'high' is a charming, well behaved handsome and clever young man.. They see this side of him from time to time, and he relates then, when he is 'normal' and they heave a sigh of relief, then, as soon as he is given more freedom, the first thing he does is get the drugs and gets high.. prowls around their house in the early hours of the morning.. such a terrible calamity is just waiting to happen and being the other side of the pond, I cannot do anything but be there for my girl to listen to her and try and interject a few words which might help her turbulance to lesson ... but most of all, I feel such sadness for this child who is in such a terrible place in his head.. Trying to get onto counselling appointments takes ages, there are so many other parents facing all this ... tring to get the professionals to help, but they feel that he should have been put onto ritalin when he showed signs of attention deficiency when he was 9 years old, and that therefore his parents might have been to blame for what is happening now** As I said, my son in law is trying hard not to shout and explode when the boy does wrong, but getting him to acknowledge that use of this smoking drug is not acceptable because of the havoc it causes, and how he is completely out of control when using it...seems not to be getting through to him at all.... when there is no form of punishment acceptable by law, when no on can help you in this nightmare, back you up or offer useful advice, [apart from saying let him leave home when he is 16 and see how h e survives in this big world out there.. if he gets into trouble then, the police will handle it and he will then be absorbed into the system !!!!]... This is NOT what they had that child brought into this world for,.a darling little being whom you only wanted to love and protect, and now you see him descending into a very real nightmare and there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO to keep him safe from harm... In writing this, I know we are not the only family on the front line, seeing their child facing such shocking temptations, but its really shocking how alone it makes you feel, knowing what is happening and there being so little to help mend the situation.. I am hoping that this is going to be a phase, that she will be able to get him to the doctors and see if his mood swings can be help professionally, maybe by meeting with a professional who can sit down and take time to chat and communicate... this is a hard ask, as I know that alongside all his feelings, he is also dealing with hormonal swings as he becomes a man which also complicates matters. [I thought that dealing with a husband that drank was tough, but watching your darling child self destruct is light years away from that in pain and suffering..] god knows what is going to happen, but I trust that his genes will kick in and the sensible part of his makeup will help him get to a place that will be safe and not self harmful. His turning 16 in May is going to be a real hard time as he wants to leave home at the moment.. I just hope over the next few weeks he will have professional help to get him to be able to manage the reality of his life...<>