Another challenge on Thursday**

It is another Monday morning, the sun is outside shining after a whole weekend of rain and showers. I am sitting at my desk overlooking the garden and all its greenery, and waiting for the announcement that my dear friend has left this earth. On Thursday this week I am going to visit my daughter at her home in Canada, the first time I've been back to the country in eleven years. With having achieved a visit to Australia in January, I know that the journey won't be as long as that one was... but I am anxious .. With my condition being so unstable and never knowing whether my body is going to behave and let me manage it, and this past week it being stupidly difficult to manage, I am wondering if I can manage to travel the whole distance without an accident.. ~An accident would be mortifying as it happens when my bowels decide to empty without warning. I take extra Codeine tablets, because they have the affect of hardening the stools, but sometimes they stop working, and then the body goes into overdrive and I void everything I have in my intestines...[ Disgusting I know, and believe me even more disgusting in reality than reading about it..] but a burden that I have carried for over four years now, since the spinal operations left me like this. I have instructed lawyers of course, and we are going through the motions, already they have fronted up bills to almost 100,000 pounds. Luckily I am covered by insurance and a no win no deal agreement. The hospital of course deny any wrong doing and are trying to keep us delayed and waiting until we give up the suit, but that is not going to happen on my part. It is not the money, but the attitude.. they sorted the sciatica, 'so be grateful and stop trying to get us feeling responsible for the Cauda Equina Syndrome!!.' 'You knew the risks,.'.. of course it was pointed out to me that there were some risks, but would be very unlucky if it happened, and besides, if I didn't get it done quickly, then I would end up in a wheelchair when the pressure caused my legs to fail! Not much of a choice was there? I admit that I do have days when I feel very hard done by and upset that this condition will only get worse with time, and that eventually I shall have to have a permanent bag attached to me.. a horror I wish to avoid with all my heart. When I am standing in the toilet and managing myself, I get to think.. if that surgeon could see what I have to put up with several timesdaily, he would not be so cavalier in his response to my situation. It seems like once the operations were over -then goodbye and get on with it yourself.. However I am grateful that I am still alive and not otherwise dealing with mortality like my dear friend. Another school friend died last week. She had had an operation on her throat and then died of a massive heart attack. It goes to show that no one can tell when their time is ready. I feel like I would like to live at least until as old as my mother. She was 87 when she left us, and this July 18th would have reached her hundreth year. She was a fit little body, rushing around visiting people in hospital, keeping herself very involved with the Church as did my dad. Then she got a water infection and her kidneys failed, and she was gone.. A massive shock as it was my dad who had ill health his last years, and she seemed to go on forever.. walked miles every day and was really energetic.. My dad joined her in 13 months, but he didn't want to live without her, so I knew it would not be long. I must get up and sort out the day.. I have to iron clothes and prepare to pack my travel bag.... I always take too much, so going to really cut it back and buy over there ,.. so will stop right now, and wish everyone a much better day than ever before...<