Friday, 29 March 2013

Well, what a palaver!!!!

Today is now Easter Friday, the day we give prayers for the sacrifice that Our Lord made for us all.. and I am seated at my computer, we have friends coming over we have not seen for over 5 years and they are arriving at exactly the time it is proper and fitting to be in Church whilst they pray for the Stations of the Cross, and I will be sitting down with them to tea and crumpets and cake.. what a terrible Christian I am turning out to be!**

However I do have a reason that I am not able to go to Church to observe the stations of the cross.

Let me go back to Tuesday when I went by train down to London, met up with an old Client friend, had lunch and then met another old friend from school to go to see the Manet Exhibition at the Royal Acadamy of Arts.. What a wonderful time I had that day, and lots and lots of walking, culminating in taking the Tube back to the main station.. Catching the Tube I think, is the reason for what happened next!!

Wednesday evening, in the kitchen, sitting down, not moving, went to place the brochure of the exhibition on the kitchen table, when the whole room swung sideways, as a listing ship and I almost fell off my chair... the room continued to swing around me for a few moments, then went back to normal.. Going to bed later as I lay down, again the room swung around and around as I pulled up the covers.. I was so scared, I thought I was going to have a stroke.. I managed to sleep ok all night, but when I got up in the morning I was still giddy and not able to walk properly having to hang on to walls to get around! As I said, I was very frightened and called the doctor's surgery to see if I could have emergency visit to see doc. She agreed, and John drove me over there. We waited around a bit until he could fit us in.. When he saw me and heard what had happened he told us that he was seeing two or three people a day with the same thing! It was a viral infection that attacks the inner ear,Labrynthitis  so balance is all off, and could last up to two weeks... he gave me some anti dizzy tabs, and returning home I went and laid down all afternoon, only getting up in time to make supper. I went again to bed early, and feel a lot better, but still a bit giddy, so cannot go out and sit in Church like this, not knowing if I am going to keel over... so instead when a friend who lives a long way away decided to see if they could visit as they were in the area, of course I said yes it would be nice to see them after such a long time, since I was not going out to Church and we agreed on the time.

I am a Christian, but raised as a Catholic, I choose when and if I attend Mass. I believe quite strongly all that I have been told, but do it my way as and when its a need in me to go to Church. So, this afternoon will pass lovely with friends, and decorating of the front room will start tomorrow, cannot wait to see the changes the colour will make... so all in all, I am a relieved and happy bunny that my off balance episode was not a pre warning of a stroke to happen, and we shall see good friends after such a long time..

Happy Easter to everyone out there, God's blessing on you all..x

Friday, 1 March 2013

life changing moment

This day 46 years ago, after a rather traumatic birthing, my son was delivered and was whisked away for Cot rest, as he had had to be a forceps delivery.  He weighed in at 7lbs 8 oz's and was instant love the second I met him.  I had of course got pregnant first, then married when three months gone. I had a quiet wedding at Kensington Registry office where the rich and famous often  go to get married. I was 21 and blissfully in love with a student.. no money, no career plans, just was going to be a mum. My husband was 20 and at University in London studying Philosophy.. what we were going to do for the future, was all unknown and I sailed into these uncharted waters without fear, as you do, when you know no better!

I had gone to one lesson on birthing a baby and decided that apart from the diagrams, which made no sense to me, the fact that the lady taking the lesson was unmarried and had not birthed herself - I could do better things with my time than worry about all that was going to happen.! We shared a large flat in London with several other students, and hardly managed to be paying our share of the rent... we were as poor as church mice... but I was going to be a mother.

Then had to tell my parents that I was getting married.. I rang them the night before the date, and I remember how my mother cried that she had not been involved and that her friends had not been invited.. callously I told her 'its my wedding' I don't need to impress your friends*

 I shrink inside me now, knowing how hurt that must have made her feel.. but at that time I was very headstrong and so sure I could make the right decisions. So, we got married.. had a sort of party afterwards with our friends... most of them students and poor,. so it was a massive curry that someone had cooked, and lots of cheap beer for my reception-

My baby I discovered would be due the end of February.. this fact I knew from the doctor when he first examined me. I had left it until 5 months before I registered with a doctor.. he was very angry at my leaving it so late in the pregnancy, but blissfully I ignored him and was totally wrapped up in my new state of motherhood. We managed to get through all the hard times, with my husband being away all day at University and I did a variety of temp jobs to keep us going .

We lived in 2 rooms of a house, and waited until it was time. The due day came and  passed, and then the next evening,my tummy started getting tighter and tighter until it was as hard as a football... then it relaxed and then the tightening started again.  Whilst my husband was trying to complete his essay, the feelings grew and grew until I had to ask him to go and find a telephone and call the ambulance. I was still not feeling any pain, but the ambulance men put me on a trolley to wheel to their transport, and we both went to the hospital.

 Because I was in such early stages, they then sent my  husband home to wait.. It was 3am now and he had to find his own way home which I know took him a long time by hitchhiking

 I was still lying in my bed, when I heard a person start to scream and shout for at least half an hour, and then I was struck by the thought that this birthing lark might hurt quite a lot.!!!!
... it honestly had not impressed itself on my mind before!

At 7.30 they came in with a cup of tea, which as I reached for it... I could not take it, as the pain suddenly escalated and there I was climbing this mountain of pain that was  like nothing I'd ever felt before... The day passed, and the pain was immense so they gave me drugs to ease it, but it caused me to try and escape them as I had now decided I was in a James Bond movie and was being held prisoner! I clearly remember having a foot on the floor, and two nurses holding me back from running off...

Of course, now you see why I had to have forceps, I was such a ninny and totally lost the plot!!!

At 4.30 in the afternoon this poor little baby was dragged out of me, and he looked grey when I first saw him... when he had rallied, and was all cleaned up and wrapped up in a towel to meet me for the first time, my heart literally turned over... I could not believe this little one was mine... his eyes looked out without fear, and I examined as you do, all his parts, his ears, his nose, the shape of the head... all of it was quite magical to take in..

 I had many many stitches, but it was all worth it, I had become a mother of a darling little boy... who today has turned 46 years old, lives the other side of the world, and when the latest baby arrives in April, will be the proud father of three sons..

The day that changed my life was full of pain and hurt, but the reward was meeting that darling boy and falling in love completely and totally with him forever.