Sunday, 29 April 2012

We all went to the ZOO today.!

Today was my friend's birthday to celebrate her sixth decade. As she is chairwoman of the Zoo, we had a special room for the reception and lunch. There were all the friends and work mates together, all getting along like a house on fire.. marvellous food, lovely drinks and just everything was perfect.

Then after lunch we were escorted around the zoo. Despite the wind and the pouring rain, I can honestly say it was the best Sunday afternoon we have had in a long time. Whilst I do not like seeing creatures in cages, this was all very carefully designed and their main project is saving animals from extinction, so it is a zoo with a difference.

After we had been battered around a bit, and seen many animals all happily minding their own business, we returned to the room, where Tea was waiting..
 Sitting down  to eat cakes or savouries,we had a projected film of my friend's life and achievements and then speeches, and then it was time to return to our furry family.
We were a bit worried as we had been away for over 4 hours, in fact it was close to 7, but the marvellous little ones, did not let us down and were still clean.. although they did make a mad rush for the door outside!!

I see its almost another week since I last blogged, and although I do have a lot of thoughts, not many have got as far as a blog... so this little snippet will have to do until I get bolder again... and start pouring out all out again, but the moment is not here yet... so thanks for reading, have a good week, and lots of love and caring shared**

Monday, 23 April 2012

What book heroine are you in your head!?

I saw that someone had posted they were the heroine Emma from Jane Austen.

  For me, my answer would be Jo in Little Women by Louisa M Alcott..

I loved that story and read it when I was about ten years old.. Her character stayed in my head and I identified with her even then. I was the tomboy that climbed trees, chased around with the boys in the road, and generally was a real loss at being girly girly. I lived up on our cherry tree in the back garden. It had a huge big bough that I was able to sit on easily, tie reigns to it and pretend it was my horse that carried me off onto adventures all over the world. 

The boy who lived in the house behind our wall ,taught me how to make a noise with the bicycle wheel, by sticking a piece of hard paper or cardboard and it would be making a clicking sound as you rode the bike. I went with them to the river where they had made a huge not of rope and tied the other end to the branch high up of a tree, that you could sit on and swing right over the pond... I read boys adventure stories all the time, and when I was ten, my mother decided that my hair that summer was going to be short, so she took me with my brother to the barbers and I had a short back and sides like him!! I was mortified, I didn't mind playing with the boys but didn't really want to look like one.. but with the hair and shorts and shirt I did!!

Jo, too in the story was a little on her own, despite being surrounded by a loving family she did feel different and want different things than her sisters, and wanted to write and be her own woman, so I really felt connected to this character, and I guess that has continued to the present day..

 Jo is strong, forthright, clear in her mind about what she wants, and when life knocks her down, she gets up quickly again.. which is what I do try to do... so I am Jo and forever will be, even though that was my nickname at home, in my heart I was that girl, nickname or not.. 

So, my followers, who would you choose as your heart heroine!!???
Do tell..

It takes time to filter your thoughts doesn't it>>

It is exactly one week since I had my fall, which I didn't think hurt much except for some grazes, but then half way through the week I started to have some hip pain, which I thought might have happened because I was kicking the ball for Millie to chase when we were out in the woods.. It is now a whole week later that I have decided that the fall might have been something to do with it,. and anyway it isn't painful anymore, so that's alright .. But thoughts do take a time to filter through.. It so happens that it works well with the Man, I give him a thought and then about a week later he suggest it to me as one of his own, and things actually happen.. but I have to be patient whilst it filters through his mind!

As I have mentioned before, when we moved into this place it was a vast space to fill up and for the first year or so, I was out at antique shops, markets, and fairs to find bits of furniture that would suit the house.
When that need was filled, I turned to seeking out collectibles, that would look nice on the sideboards or tables.. To go along side photographs that I had printed from old pictures, showing our families through the ages. Of course once I started this search lark, could I stop??

No sirree- it got to a stage[ which is now,] that I have to find and cast aside items that have overflowed the house. The Man said the other day[ one of my thoughts...] that we had to seriously consider what we want to keep and what we want to sell and what we will give to Charity.. What did he think I was on EBay for I wonder>?

Anyway it means now that having had this thought he will also contribute and find stuff to pack ready to get rid of .. before it was just me trying to create a pathway through.. its good he has had this thought!

I have been so inspired by the pictures in bloggland, that I have another decision  to follow.. I have been hankering after another way to keep myself occupied as I slowly close my recruiting business, and I love to sell..[ Must be inherited from my mother's family who were coster mongers in London at the turn of the century...]

 For a while I have found EBay a reasonable way to get my items sold, although it seems I pay EBay more than I get to sell,.. but its been fun and again another whole new world that opened to me.. its been amazing the nice people I have met along the way..

However I do prefer the face to face interaction and I am going to go back and do marketing on a stall..

 Before I had my fourth child, I did have a little market stall where I sold second hand children's items, and that was great fun. I got the stock from adverts in the papers, and then sold on, but when I got pregnant with Chris my number four baby I stopped doing it and never went back. Sometimes I do do Car Boot sales, but not recently, because I have been recovering from my ops...

 So now I am getting all juizzed up again thinking about doing it again, this time at Vintage Fairs, and they hold them in Birmingham on a regular basis, so will check that out and see where it leads..

 This thought has been going around my head for at least a year, and now I am going to make it happen.. Next Saturday will check it out and then get myself geared up to do on a regular basis.. cannot wait..
In the meantime I shall see all my blog people and watch what they are doing and feel so happy that I am part of this community , its so special, and very much appreciated..

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Yesterday I fell over**

What a massive shake to the ego I had yesterday.

I had a good fulfilled morning, been to see my charity shops, done some shopping, had my mammogram done, and visited the library, all in the morning. The sun was shining, but it had a cold bite to it, however I was feeling very pleased with myself as I started to cross the road to get to my car.

Then it happened, my wide legged trousers caught up with my shoe, and in seconds I was flat down on the floor, having broken my fall with my hands,but landing on my knee both of them have been replaced, so it was hard metal that jarred when I landed. I lay there, taking stock, and a man came fast running up to try and assist me, he leaned over and got my arm to pull me up, but I was too heavy for him, so he called out to another man to come over and give him a hand getting me up! I was mortified, I couldn't get up on my own and then to have to have two men to grab my elbows to raise me up was more than I could face. Of course I am overweight, that truly did not help, but having a metal hip, both knees metal too, meant I had not got the flexibility I might have had when younger.

 I don't fall over much at least I don't think so. the last time when I just had my right knee done and I tripped over a piece of pavement, someone else had to assist me up too.  I miss the flexibility of youth, and having had all these ops, my body is now not so agile either.

I can remember going down like a ship in full sail when pregnant with one of the kids, but then I managed to raise myself although I was surrounded by well wishers who worried about my baby for me.  That time I just laughed it all off, but yesterday I was really shaking and although they asked if I was OK, of course I just wanted to escape and sit in my car, which I did for a while before driving home. Luckily no skin was broken, but I have been left with the wrist on my left hand aching since.. nothing broken either, just my pride.

 I find it so hard to lose weight and its not for trying either I can tell you**  I made a promise to myself to stop giving in to that little voice that says one bite wont hurt, because of course it does.. will power is not my forte, and discipline is out of the window.. its not as if I eat enormous meals either, but I have slowed down a lot since the spinal ops and that plays a part in the heaviness I am carrying. I need to lose at least 4 stones, which is a lot, but not impossible and I really must try.

 I did go to a psychiatrist to find out why I found it so difficult to lose weight.  As we sat talking it all came out.
 I was 19 and never been with anyone and then my friend's brother came to call on me during the night when I was staying over at the house. His sister was lying in the bed next to me and did not get up from sleep although I did ask her to help me.. She was deaf, but I don't really think she was that deaf!! Later I rationalised it as I quite liked the boy and so went on visiting my friend and being around him..

The mind is a strange country and makes its own decisions, but I think now that I should have confronted him in front of his family in order that he realised what he had done was wrong, and all these years later I regret that I didn't... however I cannot blame him for everything..

 I do internalise my emotions, maybe I should let rip more and be more tactless at times.. don't know

I  just know I don't want to fall over again like I did yesterday and feel such a huge whale that two men had to help me up....

Saturday, 14 April 2012

I could get intimidated

Whilst I do love this blogging lark, when I look at the other blogs with so much to impart I could get intimidated-!

 There are so many people of all ages and levels, who impart so much knowledge in their blogs. I would love to be arty crafty and able to make things to sell online.. Or do photographic sessions where you encapsulate a person's life at that moment.. or write poetry that sings out loud and reaches deep into the heart.. Or just being able to grab an old piece of furniture and turn it into a real thing of beauty with an injection of colour... all the effort that goes into doing all these things, its mind boggling..

All I have to offer is my random thoughts about various things and decisions I have made over the years. Truly I never thought that I thought so much, until I decided to write it all down!!
Who would have known that it would have become such a lifeline to me as I anticipate closing my business and finally accepting retirement. There are so many things I would like to do, and blogging world inspires me to try.

When one used to go for job interviews, they would ask a simple question such as - How do you see yourself in five years time? What will you have achieved, what are your goals? 

If I put this  question to myself what will the answer be?..

I would like to have my health back and everything working as it should be.. that Cauda Equina is not my illness after all..

That my angina is gone and I stop getting short breathed

That I am back to my young weight when I didn't know what a spare tire was!

That I am living without debt in a smaller but pretty house with no mortgage and able to take holidays when I wish to.

That I can visit my son in Australia and daughter in  Canada without thinking of the expense.

That I can make money somehow in doing things that I like, like buying and selling items I have found.

Get my singing voice back.. it was a high soprano, but now I cannot get the notes.. its all got too rusty..

That my dogs are fully trained and obedient and a pleasure to have around without jumping about.

that  my husband and I are able to live closely together in harmony and get out and about together much more.. he is too much of a home body at the moment!¬

That my children have more children so I can spoil them all rotten!

Looking at all the above, all of it except for one or two , is achievable, its just that getting started is where I do get intimidated, and that shouldn't be,  aseverything else I do in life is  at full charge- so these things can be done, just taking the first step is always the hardest..

I think the first big step I have taken is doing this blogging and finding the community, now I just have to try harder and get going on my journey again..

When you are young it is so simple isn't it? Just go ahead and do it... well of course that doesn't change, just the will to do and not worry about consequences.. If I'd thought about all the hours and responsibilities I would have to be involved in,  in having children I wouldn't have had any* But somehow poor or not, we muddled through and they are all grown up now..

So, first step is visualising what you want to happen next. then put that at the back of mind and it will all bubble away on the back burner leading you to do different things that help the goal get achieved.. 

In the 60's I read a book called Bring Out the Magic in your Mind.. I did all that it said and within 6 months I was installed in the first of our houses that we owned, through a mortgage, but no more renting for us!

 IT DOES work this visualising, just that I am bad at remembering to carry it on when I get a goal achieved.. stupid aren't I?

 So the firstbig thing this year is the discipline to keep going and not get intimidated by all that needs to be done-  watch out I am coming!!

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

one hundred years- what if we knew in advance?

Its almost one hundred years since the fated Titanic Ship set sail on her maiden voyage. All the greats were on board including the owner of the actual Shipping Line. Below decks were the lesser mortals who were seeking a new life in America.  They must have worked and jostled very hard to get on board, because although they were kept below deck, I bet the fare was higher than in other ships.. especially as this was the maiden voyage.

A whole new life  and opportunities must have been in their hearts as they set sail. 

Whenever a disaster like this happens, be it in the air, on the ground or at sea, I always think that the people had bought their own tickets to die.. what a horrible thought that is, but it is true.. Just like I said to my dad one day,  in the future a day will be connected to your death, that that day will be your anniversary just like your birthday.. which is another weird thought but true.
Would all those people have bought their tickets knowing in a few short days their lives would be over.. not sure... some might have taken the chance to see ... but not many I bet... Life is so strange, if something or other happens, would, or could it have been changed say by being late, missing the train, or just changing your mind?

When Bobby Kennedy was assassinated, he already had a lovely family and his wife was expecting again. In her first trimester, I thought she would surely lose the baby with all the grief and pain, but she did not and that baby is now grown u p - 

Little did I know that my own family had a similar thing happen.

 My great great Grandfather married  and was working in India. One day, two years or so, after the marriage and already the father of a little girl, he and his wife must have had a terrible row, as he decided to commit suicide! [. This in the days when suicide was totally a no no, when the church said it was a terrible sin.. you could no longer be buried inside the churchyard for committing it...] so whatever the row was about it must have been major.. because he left the house, went into work,  and took an overdose of laudanum, told his colleagues at work, was rushed to hospital where his mother and brothers attended him as he died. He was 27 years old. He died not knowing that his wife was already three months pregnant - or maybe he did and this was in some way what the row was about... anyway, she carried the baby to full term and then died herself a few days later, both children were then brought up by other relatives..  What a sad story and yet, she held on to that baby who then became my great grandfather!

Life is so hard to predict.. would they have changed what was said that day.. knowing the outcome, maybe..  I really don't know why I started this train of thought... a hundred years sounds a long time, and yet, look how fast my 60 odd years have flown by..
Hmm- what would I like to see happen in the future.. NO WARS that would be one high on my list.. LOVE everyone in all shapes and sizes would be another.. The funny thing is, I bet that if we really did have Aliens arrive on this planet, we would have to stop all the fighting and combine our efforts in order to either work with them, or fend them off and away... Wouldn't that be something.??
 I do remember when the space craft was lost the other side of the moon, the Whole World  said a prayer, held its breath for those brave men to come back safe to earth, and they did... the power of communal thought.. is much much stronger than we think it is... I personally believe that that is what brought them home...

So in a hundred years, what will be happening.

Hopefully all wars will have stopped. 

That the earth is not getting hotter and that we have found a way to keep us with water, light and energy to make us all able to live easily and happily.

That communication being so fast will achieve harmony between us all... that there will be very very few below the poverty line and that we can all love each other..

actually what does that mean.?

that families because they are not driven by a need to survive will last longer together... that divorce will not happen as much to split families, that having enough food light water and ability to look after themselves the human race will stop and smell the roses and appreciate exactly how lucky they are to be living on this wonderful planet.  I know that in a hundred years I shall not be alive any more, but my children's children will, and I want them and their generations that follow, to have  a much safer and happier life and live along side others without fear.. WE have to get it right, so future generations will be able to know peace and safety instead of strife and fear... Even if you don't believe in religion, you must know that communal thought is so very powerful and that must be exercised in greater and greater  ways, so we are all thinking the same thing... Peace and Love like Lennon said, Will change the world.

Can we do it over the next hundred years,  I do so  hope so!!

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Easter Sunday 20012

Another Easter Sunday, I have had many, and don't know how many more I shall have. Sometimes when I am coping with my disability and also having angina pains, I do wonder whether I will get to the eighties like my parents or not... anyway, this is another Easter Day and its pretty grey here and quite cold. My husband is gone for his Sunday jog with friends, and I am here , woken up despite it being early and loath to go back to bed.

9 years ago I spent the last Easter with my dad. We went to church and renewed our baptismal vows with everyone there, then came home and had a super day together. The evening before he had complained of chest pains, but managed to get to sleep and rest later. Easter Sunday was a very happy day.. in the evening John's parents who lived next door, came around for the evening and my dad and they chatted away all night and it was so lovely. The Easter Monday we had a power cut and went next door to see if they had been affected. When I got back, my dad was stranded in the toilet not able to move. His aneurysm had burst and he was bleeding internally. We called the ambulance and I went with him to the hospital. His pain was overwhelming and after waiting in reception I went back to find him still in the corridor unattended. I got someone to put him in a cubicle and get the doctor. They gave him morphine and then again and again and he told me that he knew this was it.  I got a priest to hear his last confession and give him peace and he went to join my mother at 2.10 in that afternoon. When I came home I went straight to bed after being sick .. I never knew that grief could make you do that. I stayed silent all day after ringing my brother in Belgium  to tell him dad had gone from us.

So, each Easter is now tinged with sadness that he has gone, but glad I was able to be with him and get him the priest for the last rites. His faith was so important to him, particularly after he met my mother who wanted to know all about it and became a catholic as was required in those days, She really did make him see deeper into his religion. As we all do, he had taken it for granted a bit, but when he met her and she was so curious, he found out more and rediscovered his deep faith. Every Sunday they would attend mass with us., and when they had retired, they went several times during the week  and made many friends in the parish.  Their faith was so lovely to see, and I know it got them through many hard times, and particularly when my mother died, his faith held him up.

I saw a poster on face book, which showed Christ on the Cross, and an Easter Bunny, and it said Easter is not about bunnies... no it isn't, its about a sacrifice someone made so the world would try and be a better place... All these years later, and we still have not got the message... Love your neighbours as you would yourselves... this world is still fighting and clawing its way forward.. what a hell we have all been creating here on earth. When will we all realise, that living together doesn't mean fighting wars and losing lives.  The troops are over in various places of the world, trying to establish a semblance of order so life can be safer for the people... but democracy has never worked where there are various tribal factors at variance... where they only know how to fight to show authority.. its a truly messed up world and all the money in the world cannot save it..

Easter should have been a time of getting together and trying to live peacefully alongside each other. To help and aid the weak and defend them from suffering and hunger, but very few times does this happen.  I do hope by next Easter there will be a shift in the world to allow happiness, peace and then prosperity come to those corners of the world where they are afraid and trying to survive... that one day soon, the true meaning of Easter will be heard and we shall be calm and peaceful and no need for soldiers to go away to far distant lands..

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Whats in a name?

Choosing a name is most important, and can make or mar a person for life... so it is a quite important choice to make.  I have decided to change the name of my blog to Rosie Dayze. 

 It was only after my mother died that I got to know her real name. All the time I knew her, for well over a lifetime, to her friends and family she named herself Rosina. To her family and my father she was Rose. I thought that that was the shortened version, but it was not correct. When we had to register her death we had to find her birth certificate too, and there on it in bold script were the words  Rosie Dunning.. when all the time I thought she had been called Rosina Dunning and later Chopin when she married my father. What a surprise that was to me and my brother!   For a long while her dream had been to become an singer of arias and opera. She learnt them by heart, never being able to read music and she sang all over England on the radio during the war. Even her passport said Rosina Chopin.. she I guess she chose the name a long time ago and really had forgotten her birth name was just Rosie!  Of course its not unusual, just surprised me that's all.

[ Anyway I cannot talk, when I was ten years old I decided the spelling on my name was not what I wanted, so I added another N to my first name and then two accents to my second to make it more french and completely dropped the third christened name I was given as I didn't like the name Martha.. after my mother's mother... so I too made changes at a young age !].

As you do when little ones are expected, you go through all the names and between you decide which ones might be suitable when baby arrives.. along the way the discounted names pile up...' oh no knew a girl with that name, didn't like her much..'. or 'no a boy at school had that name and he was a drip!'- so finally having weeded out all the names you dislike, you arrive at one which both of you can like.. at least we try to ..

My first baby all the time I carried him, was going to be called Sheldon James, and then when he arrived and I looked at him, he got to get the name of Daniel Francis.. completely different... Rebecca Louise was going to be Annabelle  Mary, and the my second daughter arrived, and her name was all chosen,[ and I still love that one]... Laura Elizabeth... 'oh no', my mother said,' that won't do'** so for four days she was just baby Bradley.. no name.. then it came to me in the night lying there in the hospital
[ yes we stayed in longer those days!]  Gabriella Maria, and I would call her Ella after you know who!
Of course she ended up being called Gaby and never anyone called her Ella!!  Christopher Martin was called after a cricketing commentator, and John Joseph after a jockey.... see, by then we stopped all the trauma and just went with one choice and made it much easier ha ha-

This long meandering musing is to say why I have chosen to rename my blog...a second title.. Rosie Dayze... Rosie after my mother, and Dayze which can be interpreted anyway you wish [ though  these days I rarely get high!!]- it will gradually expand to not only having me ranting on, but as I get better around the blog and can pin up pics from other places of interest and maybe show my bargains that I collect and then wish to sell on.. maybe even open an etsy shop.. its all early days yet, and Sawley Express is such an ugly name for all that...

so to reach me, will still be Sawley Express, but subtitled Rosie Dayze... at least that's how my daughter in law said it works..

I certainly . hope it does as I do not wish to lose all my lovely followers and my blog reading list that I love to delve into!!

Now, having got that out of the way, there was an article written in yesterday's Daily Mail newspaper over here in the UK, that caused a lot of fuss.. In it, a woman writer decided to tell the world how life had been so easy for her as she was so beautiful people fell over backwards to help her in all sorts of ways... but the down side of being so beautiful was the hurtful jealousy of females in the work place and around her !!!
She also had the temerity to put her picture up to be judged...  Now they have unleashed all the comments on twitter and face book and around the media, and so, she was quoted today, saying that the backlash only shows how right she was in holding her views!¬!

There is also a saying that Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.... which in her case means she is clearly deluded.!!! Yes she has a reasonable face, and blond hair and regular features,.but she is not Helen of Troy... nor ever likely to be chosen as a true beauty... so what on earth was she thinking by doing this article?

It is true that good looks open many doors... when I was young, I was considered  good looking and I know I got a few jobs on my looks, but I would never have chosen to comment about how it helped,nor how other women didn't invite me to meet their husbands or boyfriends.. that was somehow not on my radar... I developed lovely girl friends as I became an adult and I still have those friends today who knew me before I grew up and I never felt they resented me in any way because they all looked lovely too...

Youth does that, it brings out the shine and bloom in your face and body that is part of the attraction to the opposite sex as long as nature has been around... so yes it helped, but it wasn't anything I expected to happen because I looked the way I did, unlike the thoughts expressed by this writer yesterday!! What are your views on this??

Maybe it was just the way she expressed herself badly, but I do not think so, I think she truly does believe she is beautiful and that is why women resent her...
Good looks do open doors, but so does personality, energy, positiveness and outgoing spirits too-  no one need feel its not going to work because' I am not perceived to be beautiful '... beauty also is within... sometimes so deep we struggle to find it but it is there, just give it a chance... sometimes the plainest person will have a lovely voice, gorgeous hair, singing voice, elegant hands and feet,.lovely  even teeth, a perfect figure, but all of this is nothing without a very loving and kind heart to go with it...

 that is the true beauty... seeing the best in everyone and helping who and where you can and then you will see that there are a million ways to be beautiful and  loved for just being who you are within yourself ...
and if you are busy being that person, the doors will open for you too wherever you go, all people will admire your efforts and be helpful and there would be  no one in the whole wide world that would resent you or be spiteful  and make comments about you, like this woman writer in the Daily Mail yesterday***