Saturday, 28 February 2015


Tomorrow will be the first of March, and historically it is also St David's day in Wales, also the day we, as a family remember as the birthday of Chopin the Pianist and Composer, who is part of our family tree. # All those years ago, I had been told to expect my baby on February 28th and the day actually passed quite nicely although I remember I was pretty fed up with being pregnant and with a big bump* I know I had washed my hair and drawn my eyeliner carefully and went down to the town where we were living. We had rented a place outside London. My husband was a student at London University and each day he scrambled out of bed and rushed to the station to catch the early train, not coming home until the mid evening. So I had a lot of time to fill in during the day, and not knowing many people locally, I spent my days in the parks or at the shops, window shopping or doing real shopping and bringing it home in the wheeled shopper I had. Because I had no real idea of keeping house, I would ask my sister in law who sometimes visited, what to look for as I bought meat, or what meals to make that her brother might like. She was an invaluable source of knowledge to me, although she was much younger, she had had to learn how to housekeepe as her mother worked full time as did her father.. As usual, my husband returned for his meal and I was, I remember cooking bacon..boiling the leg of ham in a large pot, and with cabbage and potatoes to go with it. I remember this, because I also managed to burn my wrist in the steam, as I tested whether the joint was cooked. It was a nasty burn and hurt a lot, but I got cold water and then a cream to sooth it. We then sat quietly listening to the radio as he worked on his papers. Around midnight I noticed that my bump was one hard mass, and felt quite uncomfortable. Being first time parents, neither of us knew what this meant, so I rang the hospital and was told they would send an ambulance around to collect me. My hospital was in the centre of London, so quite a way away. They arrived at last and we both traveled to the hospital where I was booked in, and he was told to make his way home. At three in the morning, there were no buses, so poor chap had to hitch a way to get home and of course it took him many hours, but he did finally manage to get to bed. Meanwhile, I was told that I was in the very early stages of labour and not to worry and get to sleep as much as I can until the pains really would start. I lay there trying to sleep when I heard very loud screaming and then a baby cry. I thought to myself, 'oh, maybe this birth thing might be painful'** up to then I had not really thought about how and what, was going to happen. Of course I had seen the drawings and the explanations, but no real idea of what was coming! At about 7.30 I was wheeled into the labour ward and left to cope with the mounting pain.. I recall that they bought me a cup of tea which I reached out to get, then the pain started in earnest and I did not manage to drink anything at all. The pain was huge and I was very very frightened. They gave me gas and air, which I held on to for dear life, even when they disconnected the head from the tube..I started to count and count and count, and would get up to around 70 before the slowing of the pain and down the other side.. then it started again, over and over and over, and I know that I was held down by nurses as I tried to get off the bed, and I was convinced I was in a James Bond Movie and was being held prisoner by Smersh! Finally at 4.29, my baby was assisted by forecepes and was born. My first reaction, was that he looked a very funny colour, all greyey blue, but soon the pink colour returned. I know that I was asking over and over what colour was he, because I had been so worried that my colour skin would make him darker and his father's fairness would give him orange hair! However my fears were not realised and the little darling was beautiful with dark streaks of hair. He was taken away, as they did in those days, for a 'cot rest', which meant I did not see him for his first four days of life.. and no one suggested that I was taken to see him in the nursury. Since I met him for the first time that boy of mine has been a source of joy and love and not for one minute have I ever felt less than privilaged to have known him and now his darling family.. Tomorrow I will facetime him in Australia where he now lives. He has made a wonderful second family after his first marriage failed, and his son from the first marriage is comfortable with his stepmother and his brothers, so all is finally well in his life. When I was younger, 48 seemed so far away, and now its my boy who will achieve that age tomorrow, how blessed I feel.

Friday, 27 February 2015

Random thoughts in February*

My blog plays up and sometimes does not let me post, but this evening it has, so here goes....Of course the big thing, is what do I say, and since I dont know when I might be able to get on again, I better just leave something to read anyway.. .If any of you remember, after an operation on my spine, which three weeks later was operated on again, I was left with a condition called Cauda Equina Syndrome. Of course I was advised to see if I could sue the medics that did this to me. For the past years we have been collecting evidence and paperwork, and it is coming closer to the trial. I have had to have private consultations with experts on the Bowel and Bladder and tests done as well, which is all good if it helps.. Next month I have the final meeting for my solicitors, with a pyschiatrist, who will investigate my mind set and how I have coped with the demeaning way I have to manage my self. I was warned that it could be very intrusive, but it will be an experience I am sure.,. and then for the other side, I have still to see a neuro surgeon who will meet me to assess how it happened.. this has been dragging on now since 011 when I had the ops, so I do hope that I will be successful in outcome of this case.. It isn't that its going to change my life, but it will ease it a bit financially if I win, and also since I am going to get worse, what help in the future will I need to pay for? Its so difficult to sit and remember all the different things that happened during my stay in the hospital. I am the kind of character that just gets on with things, and frankly never been litigeous at all. I just wanted someone to realise that the outcome of that operation, was awful, life changing, and they all wanted to just push it all under the carpet and never apologised either... just, 'well we did the operation, so thats that, now go away!'** In trying to remember all the expenses that have incurred since my return home, I never kept receipts because I am not the small picture person, and never realised it might be useful in trying to quantify expenses incurred these four years. However I am sure that since I am innocent of causing this myself, the truth will out.. I certainly dont expect to win huge amounts, especially as I have to pay the solicitors and counsel for all the upfronting of costs they have had to do- -- it really is, just that I want them- the medical staff at that hospital- to be less cavalier in the future with other patients.! I was discharged and the specialist wrote to my doctor saying I had been sent home with nothing wrong with me, when the truth was, I was incontinent both ends!! Afterwards he said he had gone on the notes of the nurses, and that was why he wrote that** It came as a shock to me to learn that I had lost a litre of blood and nerves were sacrificed during the operation... so he must have known that I was not in perfect condition when I left the hospital........ Anyway, thats to be decided when the court meets, so keep a prayer that it turns out to my benefit** Just having travelled to see my son in Australia, I was sooo nervous about travelling in this condition, changing two planes, plus carrying all the medicine and equipment.. But luckily I managed to cope, and during the two weeks there I only had an accident on the day before I left to come home.. These accidents happen anytime without warning and are very mortifying to say the least. However now I have traveled that far, I will find my journey to Canada in June, quite a doddle as its a much shorter flight so happy that I am going to see my daughter and her family .. they have had the roughest year, which no one should go through. Their 16 year old son refused to give up smoking pot and drinking, so hes left home and they have no idea where he now is.. that little family is broken-hearted and lots of prayers are being said each side of the world.. The world has changed, that sixteen year olds who are so young really, can make all the major decisions in their lives and cut themselves off from their loving families.. The trouble also , is that the children have no respect for their parents and want everything on their own terms, so now that he has decided not to have anything more to do with his family ,they might never ever see him again- As a mother, my girl is going through Hell, but being HER mother, makes my heart break for her sadness that I cannot dispel ever. In the old days, kids had to knuckle down and accept the authority of their parents, but not now, and it's left a whole section of youngsters with the feelings that they have rights, and expect to be respected, but no idea that respect is earned and that treating your parents with respect, they in turn respect you and your suitable wishes. My grandson is a highly nervous child and I know that he thinks he is self medicating, but with the right medicines, his anxiety could have been lessened but he finds that doing illegal smoking is much more exciting and 'cool, so I despair of his coming home at any time soon.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

I am back!!

I returned on Monday of this week, from a magical wonderful holiday in Australia, staying with my eldest son, and his wife and two little boys. The weather was superb and although we did have rain and storms, I loved all of the experience.. My son was worried that the weather in Perth would be too hot for me, but as heat was dry, it didnt bother me at all. I had expected to return to England with a really dark tan, but as the Australians are so skin cancer aware, I was not allowed out with out a factor 30 cream and a very big hat and sunglasses, so although my skin did darken a bit, nothing like I was when I returned from the South of France last September. In fact my husband when he met me, did not straight away recognise me as I was not tanned as he had expected! Moving in to stay with family especially with a daughter in law could have been disasterous, but it all went smoothly and no fights or awkward moments. I was also able to give them much needed respite and opportunity to get out a couple of evenings, just by themselves. With their two sons, only 5 and almost 2, there is not much opportunity to manage an escape for a few hours. These boys keep them on their toes from 5.30 every morning until bedtime at 6!! I was taken to so many places that were truly lovely, I am so glad that my camera held out and I got loads of pictures to bring back with me. Of course the travel is long and very tiring, but now I have done it once, I will be back again, hopefully in two years when my son has a big O birthday. I might in a few days manage to put up some photos to share, but until then, this is just a note to say I am back and had a wonderful time**