why do I cry so much?

Why do I sit and feel so emotional all of the time.. during the summer I had my boy Dan stay with me for a few days with his younger son Griffin 3 years old, and his older boy Jordan who stays with his mum in Boston. Dan's second marriage was to an australian, so they all live in Perth after he re-married almost five years ago. Having the three of them staying with me was absolute heaven and that three year old was soo good, I was also amazed to see how well his elder brother cared and loved him too.. Having children with other partners must be hard on the older ones, but in this case all seems to be going ok. When they left to return to Australia I was there to wave them goodbye at 8am in the morning and they took my heart with them.. Today I have attended a funeral of a dear friend who we've known for over 20 years, a kind caring and so clever man.. Early days after his retirement his doctor didn't take the signs of his illness seriously enough until the cancer had developed everywhere in his body and today we laid him to rest. It was a perfect service and well attended and she did her husband proud.. but sadness pervaded everywhere as his life had touched so many people and we were better for knowing him Last month I had a complete breakdown. I am suffering with paralysis of the nether regions and find it very very difficult to manually manage myself. I just could not stop crying for my self selfishly too, because of a life that might have turned out differently if I had taken another road, for the fact that everyone is condemned to die at some point and there is nothing to stop that process. and just for the helplessness that I felt in dealing with every day** It took me over three days to start feeling my mood lifting and gradulally coming back to coping with everything again.. for the whole weekend, my poor husband didnt know what to do to help, he kept coming in the room saying we were in this together and try and feel better... as I said I was like this for at least three or four days, and then gradually felt better.. However at emotional times like funerals, I just lose it all and cry for the whole world it seems, whilst all the other people are listening to the words of the speakers and not wiping tears away like me. I am on a knife edge all the time I realise this, and wonder how to get out of this emotional anxiety that I feel every moment.. it is very difficult to know what to do.. This is why I have not been blogging for some time, so be patient dear friends, I will be back, just not yet.. but soon...