Saturday, 14 March 2015
Tomorrow will be Mothering Sunday in the UK. It is a traditional day when everyone with a living mother, will try and do something nice for them. If the Mother is dead, then we try and visit the Graves to leave a token of love with it, say a bouquet of flowers or plant. I loved being able to choose the biggest and most sentimental card for sending to my Mother. She would love the attention and then call me, so say it had made her cry! That was not the intention, but I knew that she would value the words within the card, which is why I took a long time choosing the right card. As they lived over a hundred miles away on the South Coast of England, I was not able to visit very often during the days I was with small children, but we always kept in touch over the phone. The number of times I would ring them in despair at the state of my marriage and say I couldnt deal with it any longer.. but after talking to her and my Dad, I always felt a bit better and would carry on for another few years.. I never stopped to think what the affect these phone calls had on her. It now seems such a selfish thing to have done.. Words are so easily said but not easily taken back. I wish I had not given her more to worry about. I had five children and a husband and although my marriage was struggling with his drinking, I should never have put more burden on her. I would have left her with a very troubled heart each time I spoke of my worries. When I was a child living at home and growing up, she was always so positive and glamerous and petite. Shoe size was only 3, so she was under five foot and slim and yet a bundle of energy. She had the most beautiful singing voice which had led her to perform at 9 years old at the famous theatre in London called Drury Lane. Although she was a natural worrier, she really had a most positive outlook and loved my brother and I, utterly. My Dad was a teacher and used to collect us after school, then drive us over to Richmond where she would be working in some dress shop. She was always the most productive os sales persons there, and would each time be offered the Manager's job.. These opportunities she always declined, as her education had been quite limited, and she didn't feel she would have been able to cope with runnning a shop and staff. Eventually I left my marriage as the drinking became too much, and she was a huge support along with my father. They also were able to take to heart, my second husband and loved him as much as they had my first husband. My mother lived for almost 87years and
would have reached her hundreth year if she had been living. I miss her terribly, and not being able to chat on the phone after so many years, it is hard realising that will never ever happen again. My mother and I had a struggling relationship when I was going through my teens, but how I valued her later, and loved her company every time I saw her and was with her. She was a font of knowledge of the things that matter.. The real things, like love and relationships, how to manage a marriage, and how to love and grow your children. I miss her input every day, and tomorrow like all the Mother's days since I lost her, I will feel my heart ache again.