Tuesday, 28 April 2015
Its now over a fortnight when I went to the Doctors to find out why I had hot spots on my chest and was burning up.. Shingles was the answer and he gave me an antiviral medicine, which I had to take five times a day, and at 80 mls, it was a high dose. Which did stop the blisters erupting and spilling their burning liquid all over my skin.. However the pain doesn't seem to be touched by taking painkillers on a regular basis, and it has been driving me mad** The pain is all over the right side, along my chest, under my arms and half way to the elbow, and all the time, the pain is like the deepest bruising and hurts nonstop. I am definately not a fan of pain, and seriously wish it would disappear soon.. if not immediately. I have had to cancel several engagements and arrangements that I had made and had looked forward to doing.. but better to be safe than sorry, and I certainly didn't want anyone else being affected by it, so kept a low profile at home. Despite being told to rest, I really was silly and didn't do so, instead carrying on as much as normal.. the result being, that now, each evening around 7 pm I am exhausted and just want to crawl into bed! However, I really feel too ashamed to allow myself this indulgence, and have struggled to finish the night around the normal times, but tonight I am going to retire with a good book and sink into my bed without a backward glance. It is a true fact that as mothers and wives we are so unsure of letting go and just taking time out for ourselves that we always put everyone else first, and our needs are left to be attended to when we have time.. which is never** I can remember with five children, I barely had time to breath, and the only 'Me' time I could grab, was when I managed to get the bathroom to myself and soak in a really hot bath... of course the kids soon worked out, that if they came in whilst I was in the bath, they could make me give them my entire attention, especially when they locked the bathroom door, and their siblings had to wait outside until it was their turn to have my attention.. Those days went in a hurried blur, and now all these years later, I realise that my mother was right, when she told me that the best days were the rearing of the children and how fast they go.. At the time, I thought she was talking through her hat, but of course she was right¬!!!As a parent you never stop worrying about your children, where they are, whether they are happy, if they are enjoying their job etc etc and when relationships fail after years of marriage, how you wish you had a wand to make it all better! My youngest is going to be 36 next month and I would love to see him settled down with a loving wife and starting a family... but even those who did marry and have children, have not had easy rides and divorce has loomed its head. Luckily my eldest is on his second marriage and seems very very happy with his wife and two little sons.. my daughter with her three grown up children has had to start again, and is enjoying life at the moment. My second daughter has had to deal with drug issues with her son and my second son is having marriage troubles which might end in divorce.. All these happenings are so sad, but life is rarely perfect and we just have to pick ourselves up and try again. Of course, being on a second marriage myself, I know how hard it can be to start again, especially with a family in tow. I was lucky and found someone to share my life with, but it was so very hard adapting after being married a long time the first time around. I was married 23 years the first time, and this September will celebrate my 25 years with this husband. It has not been easy especially where his children were concerned, but over time they have mellowed and been better towards me. Luckily they did get along with my own children, which was a blessing, but they found me harder to accept. Life is hard enough without trying to find more problems.. best to deal with what you have, try to sort out difficulties and if they cannot be sorted, then decide what to do. It took me a very very long time to leave my first husband, but we were harming ourselves and each other by staying in a toxic relationship. Now we are friends again, and it is good to know that the man I chose for my husband has a lot of good points alongside those that upset me. With age, we mellow and maybe stop trying to find the perfect life, becoming more settled and accepting. The one thing I cannot accept though, is the thought of having this shingles thing again, I have heard that you can get it more than once, and that I would find intolerable.. Once is quite enough to be shingled I can tell you!!!