Sunday, 5 August 2012

Different choices change lives

Not always for the better either*

 I have been in recruitment for over 40 years and in that time have helped change many candidates lives.. mostly for the better, but sometimes other things happen when they make the choices that differ from mine....

Two days ago I was looking on the web for news of various candidates that I had had the pleasure of meeting and discussing their future career plans with.   To my shock and horror, I found that one person who I had kept in touch with over the years, and who had at the last moment turned down the offer of a job with my client, so giving me a loss of many thousands of pounds in placement fees, and embarrassment to the company contact I was dealing with,

had died!

This person  was so clever, so warm and delightful to converse with, had chosen another path than the one in England and had gone off to work in a very far away hot country. Of course he was highly thought of and esteemed in his new company, and like I knew he would, he made friends of so many people and did very well for the company. However , after just over one year with them doing a job that he loved, he died..

What more is there to say...

 maybe if he had stayed in England with fellow colleagues he knew and appreciated, his life would have been less complicated, [as he had had to leave family behind], his life stresses would have been different and allowed him to  still be alive...?

Its quite a question isn't it? The choices that we are given all through our lives really do impact on the way that we live, and our health and sanity too.

Its such a funny thing life.. we are only here one time, to try and make the differences that count.. we have to be alert and ready to be taking that special step  that would take us forward to a better place. I think one is in the mid forties before you really realise that this whole life thing is not a rehearsal.. that everything you do, or choose to do impacts on your life and those who live with you.!!!
 Its a very big step taking charge and deciding not to be involved with people that might damage or use up your own energy. that in order to survive you have to put yourself in front, and not at the back anymore..

It doesn't mean that you should ignore all advice, but take it on board, sift it through and then make your choices.. hopefully you will make the right turn at the right time.. however if you do not , and land yourself in some poo poo,, then that's the time to set matters straight- after you have dusted yourself down and got up again.. time to have another go, maybe from a different angle, but hell, its all a learning curve after all..

I came to the knowledge of my poor candidate a whole year later than his death, because at that time last year, I was slowly recovering from my spinal ops and really wasn't doing much reading on the professional front... but the sadness is here and now , and I feel very sad that he left us too soon, and all his energy and great brain is silent forever...

I am not for one to sit and moan and think about all the mistakes I have made in the many stages of my life, but I do know that we only have one stab at it, and we should attack with all our might to do what has to be done..

 I know a person who all his life never had a serious relationship as his mother took precedent in all that he did.. His poor father was sidelined and ignored, and his mother took over the son, making him her priority.. He was clever and not bad looking and had a good career, but his mother dominated all his spare time.. they went away on holidays together, and went out and about together...After a few years, the husband gave up and died, and this boy grew into manhood caring for his mother until she died recently.. he is now 68, still never having had a friend of the opposite sex, and actually quite lonely now his mother has gone..
 He would love to meet a good woman to settle down with, but for me I see it as such a waste of life, but selfishness of his mother who chose never to let him go and kept him by her side for all those years...

 I wish I could wave a wand for him to find a close friend, maybe now I've sent my wishes into the ether, I could be able to.. who know?

You see, really it is all too easy to take the safest and quietest route in everything that we do, when really we should be turning matters on their head in order to find out the right way to get up and running...

I think the candidate that I mentioned above also took the safest route in choosing to join up with others rather than choosing to go with my clients. that the other job was  less challenging and maybe still within the comfort zone, so he went down that road...



  1. I often wish we could have a peep and see how things would have turned out if we made different choices, like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. It is so sad when parents don't let their children go on to make their own lives, utterly selfish, in fact.

    1. You are absolutely right Tracey- my husband's mother was her best friend and used to tell her sons, what a wonderful son her friend had... so kind and good, looking after his mother like that!! She envied her friend, not seeing the selfishness behind it... ah well, takes all sorts I guess!!

  2. A thought provoking post - I personally would choose to die early doing what made me happy, though that choice may not been seen as the 'best' choice. Maybe your friend didn't see that job as less of a challenge, but more of one as he had to leave behind family, friends and loved ones....
    A friend of mine once said he didn't want to know his future, but would like to know the place where he would die. When I asked him why? He replied that he would never go there!
    Rose H

    1. Hi Rose, that was a funny remark... But it is true that one day will become the anniversary of our going, and each time I think about it, I wonder which day will be mine... too soon to think about that now, just enjoy the day!!

  3. I enjoyed reading this. As a counsellor I found ( in my own lif as well as others) that there is usually a 'choice point' where one decides to........have an something unlawful....etc...etc. I spent 3 years resting etc as I was told but it didn't help so this year I have decided to do the walks ( that once I strode out and didn't really appreciate) even if I can't complete them and have to take more morphine because I'm in so much pain....I still have the thrill and real enjoyment of the accomplishment!
    I'm sorry about your client but,at the end of e day, people have to do what they want even if the outcome isn't what it could have been
    A thought provoking blog....thanks. Joan

  4. We are the choices we make they say... HI Janzi... it has been a while since I visited the blogging world... I missed your posts...
    Now back to making choices... I feel sorry for the 68 year old who made the choice to stick to the mum... despite her selfishness he should have stood up and told her that he will go on holiday alone or out to meet friends once in a while... so unhealthy...his self-confidence must not have been that high...
    I am sorry about the death of your other friend... how did he die? I am curious to know... maybe his time has come... but dying surrounded by family would have been better... I am away from family and I feel a void in my heart every day... but this is where the money is coming from so it is a must...
    Hugs xxxx

  5. My head is turning as I read this post - not spinning - just turning things over thoughtfully. You are so wise, and have made comments about life that are really making me think. Thanks for that.

    Thanks also for visiting my blog the other day. Great words of encouragement, janzy.

    I know what you meant about projects not looking like the professional photos of them do.

    I just spent several days trying to make a shoulder bag. I ended up unraveling it and going back to dish cloths! lol

  6. My husband's grandmother brought her husband to her parent's home because she did not want to leave. Her son brought there to live. Both died in the home where they were born. It was bizarre. The grandmother let the daughters go, but not the son.

    Okay, I am single and 66 but this guy is in England? RATS!