Wednesday, 15 February 2012

I can smile again

Wow feeling like another person now that I have my smile back again... the dentures were ready for collection and I am happy with the results.. now I can smile again.. smiling is such a part of who I am, I usually smile all the time, but the last weeks I couldn't because the dog had eaten my dentures and how awful that was. I went into complete meltdown that night, and my poor husband didn't know what to do in order to help.. A cuddle would have helped, but he doesn't do cuddles often, so he kept walking in an out and saying don't worry we will get another set and you know I love you however you look!!this did not help much and all the feelings of inadequacy that I have felt since my ops came all over me, and I cried for a very very long time... however, the next morning just got up and carried on as normal, after all meltdowns cannot last too long in my world, they would depress me!!

I so love to read and I am annoyed now that I have to wear glasses to do it.. Until this year I never did, and then suddenly I had to get my eyes checked and then I had to get new glasses in order to use all the time and not take them off to read.
 I am into books in a really big way... feel withdrawals symptoms if I haven't got a book to read each night.. Since my childhood I have loved books- although my dad was a teacher, we only had a few books in the house.. going to the library was such a treat, but my reading need was so avid,that when I was about 9 years old my friend took me home to meet her parents, and I noticed her dad had the whole collection of Dickens on his shelves. I asked if I could borrow a book to read, and by the end of that summer I had got through the whole set of Dickens. What they thought of my visiting to collect another book they never said, and it was very very kind of them to allow me, after all they were hard back books and in excellent condition to give to a child to read away from the house meant they trusted me a lot.. The only book I didn't really get on with was the Mystery of Edwin Drood... but that's no loss...

 At school I always read the books ahead of the class, couldn't wait to find out the story before class lessons.. and I loved to read out loud, what a show off, but the pleasure that reading has given me over the years is immeasurable.  One of my favourite authors in my 20's  was Collette, and her books about her mother Sido and her cats, and the gardens and parks you could smell the dust and the heat and the lazy hazy days so clearly in her writings.,. then her novels too that were so sharp and distinct , she is the only writer that I have read again and again.. usually I do not return for another dip into the same book.  If I was to be cast away for a long time without company of people, I would want her books to be there, also ones by Jodi Picault who is a modern writer but spot on with her subjects.. different style of writing, but still absorbing. I find that some books my husband likes I cannot get into as its the rhythm of the writing that has to make a hold on me before I can enjoy and sometimes that pace is not there so I miss it completely.

To discover a writer new to me, and one that has written more than one book, is a treasure that I value highly, when I discovered Patricia Cornwall I fell in love with the books and have followed her until the latest which I am afraid left me cold.. but after all, she has written so many she is bound to run out of steam perhaps.. Michael Connelly is another author that I can get along with quite easily, as is Lee Child and John Grisham , but now I have read enough of their stories and am seeking new writers to enthrall me all over again..
I cannot understand why one of my grandchildren does not ever like to read.. I know that he can, because he is up to all the latest computer games and how to do them, but getting a book and sitting quietly in a corner just would never occur to him.. When I had five minutes as a child, I would be found sitting reading anything I could get my hands on.. I loved all the Enid Blyton books, the Treasure Island books, many many books that were written for boys which I got from my cousin Johny, Coral Island, but didn't go overboard for the girly annuals or books written for girls apart from Mallory Towers and the Whitehead Saga stories. then I discovered Agatha Christie through an aunt who read them and passed them to me and later,Catherine Cookson, a tough gritty slew  of stories of the North East of England.. I ran through that collection quite fast. Had a dabble with Danielle Steele but not for long..  Read Jack Kerouac of course, and Catcher in the Rye.. found their rhythms harder to cope with but persevered as they were the stories everyone was talking about and reading in the 60's.. Also tried John Le Carre, but didn't get on with him either.. [of course in the 60,s you were thought not intellectual if you couldn't get on with John Le Carre, hmm -well not sure about that, but haven't managed since,] neither could I with those Harry Potter books, thought they were awfully badly written.. but who am I to judge, she is a millionaire many times over and I am not!!!

 So, as you can see I am quite zig zaggy in my choices, and these were the fiction ones, I also delved very deeply into Autobiographies of famous and not so famous people, just interested in seeing what made them tick and how they managed their lives..Also self help books.. in the 60's and 70's there were a few around, but not as many as now.. if you look carefully a lot of modern self help are the re runs of those sold in the 50-60's with a slightly different twist to them.  The most influential for me was one called  Bring out the Magic in Your Mind... boy that did blow me away, and it worked so well!! we were living in rented, I read the book and it said visualise and write down what you want.. well being a new mother and wife I wanted a house we owned, so wrote it down,  visualised it, and within 6 months we had that house... every house I have ever wanted to buy I have applied that same idea, and bought a gift for the house to be, and each and every time it worked, even if another person had been accepted!! So that was a big influence on my life as was Jonathan Livingstone Seagull... 

I have read so many many books and I never get tired of this wonderful activity, so even if I do have to wear these glasses all the time, and they do seem to make a little ridge at the top of my nose, and I hate to wear them, I will,  in order to see  those words dance along with the promise of the new worlds and people and experiences  which reside  in  that special secret world of the reader... and I can smile all I like with happiness too in my heart and in my soul.

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