When I was young and growing up and I went out on a date, I used to be so nervous and sicky inside just afeared to say the wrong thing or be seen to be silly. I went out on a few dates, but nothing at all happened until I was 19 in the summer of 64. At the time I was living in Aix en Provence in the South of France with my parents, brother and dog Patou. We lived in a large three bedroom apartment in a tall block of flats. This was my father's home town where he grew up and we were feeling at home immediately. My father being a teacher decided to bring some french kids over to England and we went with him. I visited a friend to stay a few days and as she was going out with the brother of another school friend, she got him to invite his friend to accompany me for a night out. We were waiting in Hounslow by the bus station when they approached us. I saw this tall rather gangly person with a shock of black hair, fine featured face and green green eyes. He was dressed in an old corderoy jacket with jeans.. and he sloped along,.most coolly! We were introduced and then went to find my friend's boyfriend's car. we drove then to Soho- me and S sitting in the back of this little Morris Minor.. We had a great time walking around Soho and sitting in coffee bars chatting and chatting away the night.. When we drove back to my friend's house, she went inside and S and I sat outside on a bench talking and before we knew it the dawn had come up.. Normally I didn't know how to keep a conversation going, but really all I was doing was listening to him talking away about poets, writers he had read, all the amazing things that there were out there to read, plays, films, and I was utterly blown away... He was going to be a Poet, and he was off to University soon, and he was magical!!! That first meeting led to a long marriage of over 22 years, and five children. That boy remained, but life and times caught up and changed him, but under the skin he will always be that boy who romanced me through words and those fabulous green eyes.
When I was a baby I was the first Granddaughter in the family and my father's dad used to make a lot of fuss of me. He chose my name and dandled me on his knees and played with me for hours.. He died when I was nine months old, but..... He had wonderful green eyes... and I am convinced that this colour of eyes would be a factor in my choosing my husbands.. because of course, this latest husband who I've lived with for almost 22 years has also got those green eyes.!!!!..[ My cousin who is very close to me and who I was in love with all my childhood, has green eyes too! ]
So I think that for me, green eyes come top of the list,to find a husband, then intellect and finally good looks.. The intellect is most important, because I have a questing mind and need people around me that I can learn from and expand on their ideas and theories to help me formulate my own version of the world... then good looks, as I wanted to have children that would find no difficulty in getting ahead if they looked good and had great brain power too... then when I met S, I knew immediately that the children I would have with him would be wonderful and I was so right!!
I chose my first husband because I fell deeply in love and couldn't wait to have his children.. I don't think he had planned on having 5 at all, but I loved finding out who was joining our family and could have had a lot more children -time and money permitting! I think that he did find it stressful though ,and over the years found supporting us and finding the money hard, although he succeeded in business, he still really should have been a poet as he wanted, but that would never have paid the bills would it? Finally we went our separate ways, but we are still in touch
The next husband I chose because he was solid and dependable, always knew where he was, what time he would be home, and who would treat me from an adult perspective.. He was solid and dependable, but the kind of man who having given his promise would stay true to that- which meant that his divorce not being of his choosing, it was almost 15 years before he decided that maybe he was in love with me... this made the road a little lumpy and bumpy during the earlier years, but we have ironed it all out and now he is totally committed to me finally... It was hard knowing that he still was in love with his first wife, but it did eventually work out... He was honest at the beginning and told me , but I said I would wait until he did fall in love with me... ha ha that was not supposed to take so long, big head that I was, I thought it inevitable that he would fall in love with me straight away and not 15 years!! Well, here we are almost 22 years, almost the same as the last marriage.. and I am able to say that I find our relationship not stressful anymore, that we fit together well and get along nicely. It doesn't have the fire that being young brings with it, but it does bring peace and that is a comfort..
For me choosing a husband obviously green eyes played a part.. another friend said it was because he danced so divinely she fell in love, others would give a whole host of reasons, but I guess mine are just as valid... when I was young I wanted fire and adventure and mad passion, a long time later and many tears,. I realised we were hurting each other too much, so the next time I went for the complete opposite and in these years maybe that choice was not the worst I could have made, I am lucky to have had the best of both worlds and two good men to have been my loves.