Monday, 20 February 2012

Timing- on or off?

When I had done all m y tasks and taken the Millie out for her walk, made and served the lunch, caught up with business things upstairs, I found it was already 5pm. I collected all my library books, so anticipating getting all new books to read again, and drove the car to the library.. It stayed open until 7pm, or used to, because when I actually rolled up to the door, it said closed at 5pm Mon and Tuesday and the rest of the week 7pm except sat which would be 4pm.. I was so disappointed, the bag weighed heavily, and all my joy of choosing new books was taken away from me.. So I turned around and started to walk out the grounds.. meeting another lady and her daughter on the way in, and they asked me if it was open and they were disappointed too, so I think this timetable of hours is a new thing, and not just me forgetting!

[  I actually read very fast, but get lazy at taking them back so renew over the phone a lot, then take them in when I have eons of time before they are due.. stupid really, but it re assures me! These books are not due back for another two weeks, but I just thought I would like to go and get some more, and darn it,my timing was right off* ]

Talking about timing being off, when is the right do anything.?. I had all my children before I was 34, that age in my head, was going to be my cutoff time.. and so it was, with John Jo the last one getting in on May 14th whilst I got to be 34 on the 24th May.. I always thought that I would be better off mentally having them whilst I was still young and energetic and in fact I did find that I had less elastic when I had the last two in my thirties and saw a difference in energy from when I had the first three in my early twenties.. I know that its the fashion to leave things until later when your career is established and you've got a place ready to hold a family, and sometimes because financially you were not ready.. but finances were not on my mind I left that to my poor husband who at the age of 21 was a father for the first time.. I never realised the strain it put on an already highly sensitive person, and over the years he did try, for which I am grateful and have remained friends with him.. but we were both far too young., we had three children before we were 25 and that was hard going trying to feed our little family and clothe us all.. We never had holidays, or went out much, only did things that didn't cost, and luckily there wasn't so much pressure to be judged by what you wore or what presents you got for Christmas.. When the second lot came along, my two boys were growing up in the 80s and there was a lot more peer pressure to get clothes and shoes with fashion names.. so they probably managed to do better and get more things than their siblings in their turn. Because we were both working, my last two were the children we could afford... but we really did struggle with the first round of babies... But when would it have been the right time for me to start a family.?? if I had left it later, I wouldn't have such a wonderful family to call my own, I would probably have settled for two children and missed out having known the others.. .from a little girl,. I always said I would have 6 children, so if I had settled for 2 I know I would have felt cheated!!

The silly thing is now that they have all left home, have careers and marriages and children most of them that is, I still worry like mad about them and how they are all doing.. I know that they all keep in touch on Face book and discuss matters without my involvement, but I do still fret in small ways that they are all quite a distance from me, even those living in England.. I guess all mothers are the same.. how one can be brave sending their children off to war, despite them being trained to fight and do their duty ? Iwould be dying inside until they finished their tour of duty.. I salute all those parents who's children are away in Wars across the world, as Wars are never just, never won without pain and sorrow, and the cost to many is indeed very very high!! When a child dies, no matter how old, that little family is robbed of a future... future knowing the child, future of that child marrying and having children in return, it is not just one person going, but all the hopes and dreams that were encompassed in that person goes with them never to be gained again.. I think as a parent, your children are always your children, no matter if they are in their forties or fifties or older.. you will always be their mum**
So there is no right time or wrong time really to choose to do anything, just a feeling that when things happen you will know it is the right time. I guess the right time is spontaneously arrived at, and can happen at any time, even if the timing is off!!
It certainly was in my case but I wouldn't change anything at all*

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