named

I had the two spinal ops done in May last year, and after being sent to different departments in the hospital they have come up with a name for the condition they gave me. Cauda Equina Syndrome... awful and non cureable but liveable with- just-... any dignity is taken away, no modesty preserved, and a life that is changed forever... I know its not as bad as lots of other terrible illnesses  that people get, but oh my, how it does make me feel bad and alone and lost. When I was discharged from the hospital, no one had any advice to give me and I spent a lot of time on the phone trying to get various items that I needed to survive in any way. Tonight is the the start of a new year, but I am feeling pretty down as it is not going to get better or go away and not much to do but take it as it comes. If you look online to see  what happens, it takes away the best bits of your life too, the connection between yourself and who you are and also in the relationship however caring and loving, it leaves you high and dry and quite bereft..I'm going to stop here as I shall get more maudlin, but hopefully tomorrow I shall be on a more positive note.. tonight I am angry and sad and humiliated all by myself...